When we tell ourselves that we just want our kids to be happy, we take on the job of happiness police, eager to help our kids avoid discomfort instead of teaching our kids how to cope with discomfort. This wires a child for a circuit that says, “Discomfort is bad, wrong, and a sign I need immediate ease. I need to look for that ‘better’ feeling because I never learned how to tolerate distress.” This is very different from the circuit built by nurturing resilience: “Discomfort happens, discomfort is where I learn. I am not scared of discomfort because I learned to tolerate it in my
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