Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

by Becky Kennedy

When I don’t have clear answers, I often use a “Here’s what I don’t know and here’s what I do know” formula. “What I do know,” in these cases, essentially just confirms my presence and my ability to be there for my child. That’s all we ever really know, anyway. This might sound like, “You’re worried about getting your blood drawn today. Exactly how long it will take and how much it will hurt, I don’t know. What I do know is that it will hurt, and then it will stop hurting at some point. I will be with you the whole time, and we’ll get through it together.” Let’s take something bigger. Maybe you tell your child that his grandmother has cancer. He asks, “But is she going to be okay? Is she going to get all better?” Telling the truth about “I don’t know” would sound like this: “What a great question. I hope she gets better, sweetie. And the truth is that . . . we don’t know. We don’t know if she will get better. What I do know is that I will tell you the truth, even if it feels uncomfortable, and that I am here for you with all the feelings you have about this.”