Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

by Becky Kennedy

Reframe the Lie as a Wish Seeing a lie as a wish allows us to continue seeing our kid as a good kid—and this is critical in responding to lies. Using the language of wishing in response to a child’s falsehoods changes the direction of the conversation, as it allows for more options than just “telling the truth” and “lying.” Now there’s an in-between place, and your ability to see and vocalize that gray area can soften the intensity of the moment and create a way to connect with your child. When your child says, “I’ve been on a trip to Florida too!” you might say, “Hmm . . . I bet you wish we vacationed in Florida. It sounds so sunny and warm there. I wonder what we’d do if we went?” When your child says, “I didn’t knock down my sister’s tower, it just fell!” you might respond, “You wish that tower was still up . . . ,” or “Sometimes I do things and then wish I hadn’t done them . . . it’s so hard when that happens.” Seeing the lie as a wish allows us to feel on the same team as our child instead of seeing them as the enemy.