Shame detection is a critical skill to have in any parent’s toolbox. The ability to identify shame in all its forms is something of a parental superpower, because once we can see it, we can modify our behavior accordingly—not to be permissive but instead to be effective. So many of our kids’ most difficult moments include shame as a common factor, and shame makes any situation more combustible. The next time you’re in a power struggle with your child, or you’re thinking, “I know parenting is hard, but does it have to be this explosive?” pay attention: shame is often what adds fuel to the fire.
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