Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

by Becky Kennedy

Acknowledge: Label your feelings. For example: “This moment feels hard!” or “Today was rough!” or “I’m noticing anxiety right now,” or “My chest feels tight and my heart is racing.” Validate: Respect your feelings enough to assume they aren’t lying to you. Now tell yourself a story about why your feelings make sense. This might sound like: “I’m exhausted. Caring for two kids and cooking dinner while they argue with each other . . . it makes sense that this feels hard.” Or, “My boss yelled at me and then my friend canceled on dinner plans; it makes sense this day feels rough.” Or, “I have so much going on, so much to do, and my brain is overloaded with tasks. It makes sense my body feels anxious and uptight.” Reminding ourselves that our sensations and experiences “make sense” helps us feel more at home in our own bodies, so try using this phrase in your self-talk. Permit: Give yourself permission to have your feeling in whatever way it’s showing up. I know this sounds silly, but it’s so powerful. Tell yourself, out loud or internally, “I have full permission to feel like life is hard,” or “I’m allowed to feel exactly as I do,” or “It’s okay to feel like parenting is totally unenjoyable right now.” Now, remember: we can permit our anger and still remind ourselves to use a calm voice; we can permit our frustration and still remind ourselves to gaze kindly at our kids.