When we tell our kids, “I just want you to be happy,” we are telling them they need to get out of distress and into comfort. When our daughter says, “All the other kids run faster than me,” we remind her that she is excellent at math; when our son seems sad and says, “I wasn’t invited to Anuj’s birthday party,” we convince him that the party had to be small and that Anuj does, in fact, really like him. We think we are helping, but what our child hears is, “I should not feel upset. When I feel uncomfortable, my job is to make my way into comfort as soon as possible.”
