Then pause and see what your daughter says. But note that none of this reflection or learning or growth is possible when shame is present. We have to be willing to pause our agenda, to pause what feels “fair,” when a child is overwhelmed with shame. We have to shift from a goal of correcting behavior to a goal of helping our child feel good inside, showing our child her lovability and worth, affirming our connection. This helps a kid “unstick.” You cannot bypass this step; our bodies simply won’t allow it.
