We don’t have to train them to be kind. We have to help them manage some of the barriers to kindness that can look, on the surface, like harsh behavior but that, in reality, emerge to protect a child. Working to reduce shame and, in this situation, modeling (and definitely not forcing) an apology isn’t an intervention I recommend because it “feels better” to a child; it’s an intervention I recommend because it gives a child the highest likelihood of eventually reflecting on wrongdoing and producing an apology on her own.
