Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

by Becky Kennedy

You’ve just told your four-year-old son that you need him to be quiet while you finish a work call. But instead of being quiet, he’s throwing items from your desk and screaming. When your work call ends, instead of reprimanding your son, you remind yourself that his behavior is a window and come up with your MGI: your child really wanted your attention, felt unseen, and couldn’t manage these feelings in his young body. You reflect on a time you wanted your partner’s attention when he was scrolling on his phone, and how annoyed you felt and how you ended up screaming at him—not entirely different from what happened between you and your child! After coming to this realization, you say to your son, “It was really hard to stay quiet while I was on my call. I know it feels bad when we’re playing and suddenly I have to get on the phone. I understand that. In a little bit, let’s practice this moment again, and maybe we can come up with a secret handshake for when I have to pick up a call so you know I’m still paying attention to you.”