Good Inside: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be

by Becky Kennedy

After all, our goal is not to shape behavior. Our goal is to raise humans.

When we tell our kids, “You’re a good kid having a hard time . . . I’m here, I’m right here with you,” they are more likely to have empathy for their own struggles, which helps them regulate and make better decisions.

We want our kids to feel their wide range of feelings and have new experiences, and our job is to help them build resilience by teaching them to cope with whatever the world throws at them.

Remember, all human beings—kids and adults—have a profound need to feel seen in who they are, and at any given moment, who we are is related to what we are feeling inside.

the way parents interact with kids in their early years forms the blueprint they take with them into the world.

You are the architect of your child’s resilience, and that is the ultimate gift you can give them. After all, successfully managing life’s many challenges is a person’s most reliable path to happiness.

“[Anxiety/anger/sadness] is not my enemy. My [anxiety/anger/sadness] is allowed to be here. I can tolerate my discomfort.”

We need cooperation from others, but not approval.

“Toxic relationship patterns stop with me. I will be passing on something different, something better, to my kids.”

Finding your internal goodness doesn’t absolve you from taking responsibility for behavior; by contrast, grounding yourself in your internal goodness allows you to take responsibility for your behavior.