we can work on our own “stuff” and try to improve our regulation and learn parenting tricks and scripts and strategies . . . but still, the goal is never to get it right all the time. That’s not a thing. I often tell parents that the worthiest goal might be to get really good at repair, which acknowledges the reality that parents will continue to act in ways that don’t always feel great, and there will continue to be hard, misaligned moments. But if we develop the skill of going back, nondefensively, to our kids and showing them that we care about the discomfort they experienced in those
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