Bad Dolls

by Rachel Harrison

Relationships are complicated, and no one could ever really know what goes on from the outside looking in. Why reinforce a reliance, a codependence? Why create this completely unnecessary sense of desperate gratitude? Kenny was great. He was affable and creative and generous, but he was also terribly irresponsible with money and a certified slob. To tell me that I was lucky to be with him dismissed his flaws and my contributions. I did his taxes. I set up his IRA. So lucky.

well damn

That’s when I realized if you’re looking at someone that you’re supposed to love and you feel alone, you have a big problem.

oh this hits

My phone vibrated against the back of my hand. I took it out. I had a text from Maggie. Brunch tomorrow? Yes, please, I thought. I need to tell you about Coney Island. I need to ask if you miss the paper arcade tickets like I do, if you, too, appreciated the tangible victory, if you’re also sad about the digitization of the world. I need to know if you understand because I really think you will. But I didn’t say any of that. I didn’t respond at all.

oh….yeah

Was I searching for happiness in the wrong places? Seeking it in other people instead of turning my gaze inward?