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Of course, it did not feel better to burn a tobacco and juniper candle and listen to the Backstreet Boys than it had felt to be loved.
I reasoned, no one has a completely healthy relationship with food and exercise, at least not anybody who came of age during the period when the cover story of every supermarket tabloid was some variation on ‘This Beach Hag Has Cellulite’.
was not about to be the first woman alive to experience emotional devastation without the sudden, dramatic emergence of my collarbones.
It is horrible to be sad in the summer.
every ho must take things at a pace that works for her.
‘Last week he made me a playlist. He keeps asking if I’ve listened to it, but to me, that is where I draw the line.’ ‘At listening to the playlist.’ ‘Yes,’ she said gravely. ‘Who knows what could be on there?’
Now my constant, low-level anxiety was replaced by a feeling of dull invincibility I referred to as ‘haha, so what’.
Concerned you might be coming down with a cold? No illness could be worse than this new, gaping emptiness at the core of your very being, haha.
Feel like you said the wrong thing at a party? The person who promised, in front of everyone you know, to love you for the rest of your l...
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The thing is that life is actually a joke, and nothing is guaranteed to us, and anything you think is guaranteed will probably be taken from you unexpectedly, and also it seems like deep down you may be an unlovable shrew, which is probably a bigger probl...
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Maybe someone will break in and kill me, I’d think. Perfect.
‘It’s good! It’s like, I don’t need to dig my own grave to know that ultimately, nothing is that important and we all die alone. I don’t know why you guys are being so serious about this. I mean it in, like, a fun way.’
Lauren dipped an endive in yogurt, wiped the side of her mouth, and said politely, curiously, ‘Isn’t that, like, exactly how people describe depression?’
‘Sorry, but he can’t get mad at you for being bitchy. He married you knowing you’re a bitch. It would be so unfair to divorce you over it.
Other times I looked terrible and that was fine.
Saying ‘I am getting a divorce’ made me feel like a child clomping around in enormous shoes, my mother’s lipstick all over my face.
Every encounter revealed my naïveté, put me in a pillory with a sign next to it: BELIEVED FULLY IN ROMANTIC LOVE AND THE POSSIBILITY OF ETERNAL COMMITMENT (IN THIS DAY AND AGE!!).
really do hope you’re well.
