The Truth About Love

by Maisie Myers

“Not a big deal? You think I’d ever be okay with causing you pain? You tried to manipulate me into hurting you and by doing that, you’ve hurt me. You’ve fucking destroyed me.”

“I love you, but you fucked up tonight.” He takes a heaving breath, catching the last of his tears with the palm of his hand. “I need some space to think about shit, Summer, so I’m just gonna go home. I’m still here though, I still love you, I just can’t be around you right now. Text me if you need me, but otherwise I’ll probably see you in a few days, yeah?”

I’m so close, but it’s too late.

And there’s nothing I can do but watch as the girl I love more than anything tumbles off the cliffside.

A silent tear slips down my cheek as I realise what has to happen now. Auden would never leave me. So, I have to leave him.

Setting him free is the only way to make sure he lives the incredible life he deserves.

It doesn’t matter how much time has passed, sunsets always remind me of Summer-Raine.

Shortly after Summer-Raine gave it to me, I had it preserved in resin and then set in glass.

It didn’t work.

She sucks in a sharp breath like my admission has come as a shock. Why else would someone throw themselves off a pedestrian bridge into oncoming traffic?

We don’t belong to each other anymore, but our souls still reach for each other as if we do.

Her beauty is too bright. It always has been, but it has intensified with age.

“Accidents don’t come with a note.”

Home. That’s what she feels like.

We’re strangers and soulmates and ghosts from our pasts. I’ve moved on from her, yet I’ve loved her every single day since she left.

“Babe is a word men use when they forget the name of the girl they’re fucking. It’s easy. It’s impersonal. It lacks intimacy. Babe isn’t the name you use to refer to the love of your life.”

“Sunsets always remind me of you.”

“I loved you more than anything.”

Jesus, Auden, I’ve ached for you every second of every day. It kills me that I hurt you, that I gave up our future, that I let you go.”

“I didn’t leave you,” I whisper. “I set you free.”

“I’m not lying, because there were no other men, Auden. There has never been another man. My body has known no other touch, no other kiss but yours.”

“Is this what you want, baby?” he snarls. “You want me to fuck you? You want to come all over my cock for me?”

“It doesn’t matter how much time passes between us, if you need me, I will always come for you.”

“I watched you, Auden, at every game. I came to every single one. From the first game of the season in senior year to the last one you ever played in college, I was there. I still don’t understand football at all, or even enjoy watching it to be entirely honest, but I’d made you a promise and I wanted to keep it. God knows I owed you at least that.”

“Goodnight, pretty girl,” he says gently and then he bends down to press a kiss to my forehead.

Because even though I know it’s time to let her go, I’ll always love her. That will never change. I’ll carry Summer-Raine and the memories of her in my heart for all of time.

I’m only whole when he’s inside me.

“How will I ever be able to say goodbye to you?”

“Pretty girl, listen to me. There is no one else in this world for me but you. It has always been you. And I will wait as long as you need me to until you show up on my doorstep and tell me its time. I’ll wait forever, baby. Forever.”

Because it isn’t Auden standing there with open arms ready to welcome me home, it’s Cara with hatred on her face and a sparkling diamond on her finger.

Cara’s face as she positions her hand on the doorframe so that her wedding band and engagement ring are on full display.

I watch her face as she does the math, working out how long after she left for the rehab centre that Cara and I got married.

“I tried,”

“You tried?” she blinks. “You tried? Tell me how marrying your ex-girlfriend ten months after I left is trying?”

“Was I too hard to love?”

“Loving you was never the hard part, Summer-Raine. That’s always been as easy to me as breathing. It was never a choice or a decision I made. I fell in love with you because my heart didn’t know how to do anything else. Loving you was the only thing that ever made any sense to me. Please don’t think you were hard to love, baby, because that couldn’t be further from the truth.”

“I don’t know how I can ever be happy without him.”

Because that future doesn’t belong to me anymore. It belongs to Cara. He chose her over me in a competition I didn’t even know I was a part of.

“Cara was already pregnant when you left. I haven’t slept with her since before we ended things two years ago. Not on our wedding night, not on our honeymoon. I haven’t been inside another woman since you, do you understand?”

And, like a dagger to the heart, I watch as the woman who should be mine wraps her hands around his neck and kisses him back just as deeply.

“I want you to choose me.”

“There’s a word for people like you, you know?” she says, her monotonous voice is flat and completely devoid of emotion. “What?” I raise an eyebrow in question. “Martyr.”

I hate him because despite everything, I still love him with every shattered shard of my soul.

“I am proud of you, baby, so fucking proud.”

It was selfish, I know, but the thought of you not loving me anymore was intolerable. For that, baby, for everything, I’m so fucking sorry.”

“I’m leaving her.”

“You chose her over me,”

“Even if I decided to stay in the marriage, it would be impossible for me to choose her over you. Because, Summer-Raine, there is no option for me but you. It’s you who has my heart, it’s you who owns my soul. I belong to you. I will only ever belong to you. My marriage was born out of obligation and it has never been anything more than that.”

“I already am, quarterback.” I smile through happy tears. “I already am.”

“You said you hadn’t slept with her.” My voice is barely a whisper, but he hears it all the same. “I hadn’t.” “Then how is she pregnant?”