Single and Ready to Jingle

by Piper Rayne

Her hands are on her hips while she juts her chest out as though she’s proud as punch. “It says, ‘I’m so good Santa came twice.’” The sip of my drink gets trapped in my throat and I cough, trying to catch my breath.

“It’s hard to have an open mind when I know I’m going to have to watch a bunch of women in sparkly costumes kick their legs in unison to the beat of Christmas music for the next two hours.” I’d rather spend the two hours in a prison cell.

“The practice came about because way back, people would throw their waste from the chamber pot straight out the window. This way, men were much more likely to be covered in shit than the woman.” I stop walking and stare at him for a moment. He stops and turns to face me. “You’re kidding, right?” “Swear to God.” He chuckles. “You should really refrain from telling any dates or girlfriends that in the future. It really feels much less romantic when feces are involved.” He grins wryly. “Noted.”