I Should Have Worn A Curtain: A Psychological Fiction Novella

by Samyra Alexander

Why is it so much easier to put on weight than to lose it?

A woman should be able to wear a curtain fashionably when clothes turn into her worst enemy.

I have a habit of getting excited about new diets and then losing interest.

I flash him an incredulous look as we exchange numbers. Does he chop up fat women and eat them to maintain his good looks?

If I’m going to lose weight, I have to step outside my comfort zone.

Does he want a serious relationship, or does he have a BBW fetish?

Trainers have to stop prescribing the same workout to both obese people and thin people.

On social media, some black women promote black girl magic and being a strong black woman, and I want those qualities. I don’t see many strong women in my family and I want to change that. If I have kids, I want them to say I conquered whatever barrier came my way.

“Put down the egg roll,”

“Get out of here, you food Nazi! You’re only happy when I’m losing weight. Are you my dad, trainer, or my boyfriend?”

“It's either me or the MSG. I’m not wasting my time and skills with someone addicted to high fructose corn syrup. Were you ever eating the food I made for you?”

“You deserve better and shouldn't put up with verbal abuse.

This merry-go-round I'm on is no fun, and I want off. I don't want to be forty and in this same predicament, but that's where I'm headed if I don't change today.

Am I one of those sick people? Am I damaged? Nana said not to claim any problem, but maybe she was wrong. Nana died from hypertension despite not naming or claiming it. I’ve tried her way for long enough.

It's time I reconsider my thinking.

I can’t lose hope.

Whew. I finally told someone. She’s not laughing, and I didn’t die of shame when the words passed my lips.

“You’re being honest now, and that’s all that matters. The lies you’ve told yourself outweigh the ones you told others.”

“You’re not alone, even though it may feel that way.”

“Admit you’re powerless over your disease and accept you need the help of your Higher Power

What have I got to lose?