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I bring our joined hands to my mouth so I can kiss the back of his. I can almost see his pupils dilate as he looks at me. Heart eyed, like the damn emoji. He blinks slowly, and it’s like he goes into a daze.
“I want to hold you in the grass,” I whisper. “Just for a little while.”
“I left you twice,” I choke out. “Two times when you needed me.”
I’m not a good person. I’m not a good lover—even though I want to love him so good.
“I only need one thing.” “What?” I force myself to whisper. His arm tightens on me, and I feel him inhale. He blows the breath out, and when he speaks, his voice is raspy. “Don’t leave me again.”
“Whatcha thinking about?” he asks softly. I smile. “Feeling like we’re a couple,” I confess. “We are. You’re my Miller.” He hugs me tighter. “I can’t let you go.” “I don’t want you to.”
“My mom sent me somewhere. Last year,” he says softly. “She thought I was gay. She didn’t want that. So, she sent me to…this boarding school.” He blows a breath out. “It…wasn’t a good experience.”
I just want to tell you that I’m happier than I deserve. And that I love him. I hope it will last.
“I love you too.” I kiss his cheek. “Pretty angel.”
I realize everything about me will always be marked by…what happened to me.
Miller wants you. Your dad loves you. Everything's okay, Ezra.
Love me- okay? Can you please still love me? Even if it’s been a while? I’ll always love you too. Your Ezra
He didn't leave the football pillow that I made him.
Since what happened on the bus—since she found out for sure about me—she hates being near me.
You're okay. You're not at Alton, angel.
I loved someone, and he left, and he's never talked to me again? What a fucking loser. My dad left, and my mom doesn't like me now that I'm a fuckup?
I’m not weak. I just need someone to hold me.
“I’m okay now. I got out. And I found you.”
“Put your cheek right under my throat. Hold onto me tight, Ez. That’s the way we like to do it. Make it so there’s no air between us. Then just cry if it’s in there. Don’t cry by yourself. Cry so I can hold you. That’s the only thing I want.”
“I love you,” I say. “I’ve got you. You’re mine, and I’ve been waiting for you, so I can wrap you up and never let a damn thing ever hurt you again. Not without going through me first. I know you’re bigger, but I need to take care of you,” I whisper.
I love that. I need it. If he can’t remember, I can adjust; it’s okay as long as I feel like he loves me. The way he holds me, tucks his cheek against my chest—that’s us. It’s just like before. He feels like my Ezra, smells like Ezra.
My whole body and my soul reach for him.
the backwards Georgia peach cap, which makes my heart squeeze.
I eye the gas station across the street. For some reason, this whole landscape—the kudzu and the beat up, pot-holed roads, the damp cold and the lake smell—makes me really want a fucking Icee.
Remember the cemetery kiss?" He's nodding. "I was chicken shit and tried to run." "You were beautiful. I'll never forget that day."
