There are too many losses to grieve: Phyllis, Blackbeard, Lucas, Kirby, the Rudder she knew as a child, Frida and Flip, who she never even got a chance to meet. And now Bird Dog, this woman whom she is too broken to join. She understands that it isn’t enough to have made it home. It isn’t enough to be alive after all these years. There is a deficit here that she is unable to reconcile. Life costs more than it gives. For the first time in a long time, she cries—big, choking sobs—the whole time worrying about her tears. She needs that moisture for other things, she tells herself, this is a
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