I want to forget, for just a night. Smoke a whole carton of du Mauriers. Rip a blunt the size of a hot dog. Drink a bottle of Johnnie Walker Red and pass out. Wake up with a delicious headache entirely my own doing, hold on to that pain and know I deserve it. I want to vomit everywhere, purge every alien thing out of my body until it’s a shell. I want to be entirely unnecessary, ignored, forgotten. No responsibilities. No mistakes making others hurt. No memory of the mess I’ve made. No me.
