You & I, Rewritten

by Chip Pons

Rise. Heal. Overcome.

There’s just something I love about new beginnings. The chance to wipe your slate clean, completely starting anew in an environment where people know only what you want them to know.

Graham Austin runs a hand through his styled hair, laughs as he gets in his car—a sound that I’m now determined to hear again and again and again—and drives off, leaving me alone with the nagging thought that I just experienced one of those life-changing moments you always hear about.

“Klair, you are the most beautiful, kind, and accomplished person I know.” She looks down as I continue. “Out of anyone in my life, it is you who has always inspired me to be a better version of myself because you have and always will be the prime example of grace, selflessness, and dedication. Nothing and no one can ever take that away from you.”

“I appreciate you saying that, and looking back, I know these things. I think I just got caught up in a situation that was incredibly toxic and confusing.”

“The hardest part wasn’t acknowledging that she never chose me,” Klair reads aloud. “The hardest part was accepting that this moment—the one that I’d been dreading my entire life—was definitively and heartbreakingly never about me.”

When everything is numbers-driven and reliant on sales, performance, and marketability, it’s easy to forget that at the core of what we do are real people.

Klair is the only person in my entire life who truly knows me, inside and out. She knows my past—my real past—and she’s never once shown me anything but kindness. She’s my most fierce protector and I will never be able to repay her for that.

“I don’t know what I did to ever deserve a friend like you, but I hope you know that I am forever grateful we chose one another as family.”

“Thank you, Graham.” I angle my body so I’m looking at him more directly. “I don’t know why I get like this sometimes…where the little things become overwhelming, and the big things become insurmountable.”

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with recognizing how we each react to stress and anxiety. Trust me when I say I’ve been there, done that. There is no shame in being in-tune with our emotional and mental health needs.”

at the end of the day, the work can wait. There is nothing more important than our people.” As if I couldn’t be swooning any harder over this man, he adds, “Which now includes you, Will.” Dead. Deceased. Graham has single-handedly taken my anxiety about a potential professional mishap, understood it, given it value, and then thrown it out the literal window.

I’ve never been one to share.”

there are these times in my life when it’s incredibly difficult for me to separate logic from emotion. My brain and my heart battle each other sometimes.

“I never, ever want to make you look at me like that again. I don’t think I could handle it.”

For a moment, I feel remorse for breaking the most sacred and respected rule in the gay man’s handbook: never out anyone.

For so long, I’ve learned to mask the complicated parts of who I am. Not with Graham. He’s shown me that all of me, especially the messy and anxious parts, are not only worthy of getting to know, but worthy of acceptance. He’s made me feel seen and valued. He’s made me feel whole.

carefree and achingly beautiful version of him—is one that will live rent-free in my mind for the rest of all time.

But…no, it’s just that with him, it feels like exhaling. That’s the only way I can describe it. Like I’ve been holding this breath my entire life,” I point to my heart. “And then this man comes along, and he sees me for who I am, and for the first time in my life, I can just be.”

Don’t risk living a life wondering what could have been because of someone else’s hurt and pain.”

In the vilest and most unforgivable of ways. In a way that replays over and over in my mind. I am not asking for your forgiveness, because I know I will never and can never deserve it. You deserved a father you could be proud of…someone who you knew without a shadow of a doubt loved you and would protect you at all costs, and unfortunately, my horrific actions and behavior allowed you to grow up not knowing those things. That kills me, Will. Knowing that my weakness and

to question your worth or if you were loved. Because son, I have loved you since the very first moment you came into this world. You are my only child, my flesh and my blood, and the day that you were born changed my life forever. I may not have been there or in your life these last few years, but I’ve always kept up with how you’re doing through your mother or the internet, and I can’t tell you how proud I am of the wonderful man you grew up to be. Despite your upbringing and despite having me as a father, you have thrown yourself into the world unapologetically and have led a life filled with kindness, strength, and humility. Something I have never known.

And you made me realize that despite the worst version of me, you somehow grew up to be this incredible man who treats everyone with dignity and respect. Someone who honors their life experiences, no matter how painful, and shows them unwavering support.

the Graham Effect.

“This book, as well as your father’s, will resonate with so many people. But even if it reaches just one person…just one person who is struggling to overcome whatever challenges life has thrown their way, I want you to look back at all you have done and feel the greatest sense of pride. Because I do, Will…I am in awe of you and the strength you have exhibited through all of this.”

It may not even be possible for you—but just try to remember that forgiveness is for us…not for the person who needs forgiving.”