You & I, Rewritten

by Chip Pons

“I don’t know what I did to ever deserve a friend like you, but I hope you know that I am forever grateful we chose one another as family.”

don’t know when or how he managed to get both of my wrists in the vice-like grip of his hands, but I will never, ever complain about it.

My confession releases the grip it has had on my heart for a while and now I’m full-blown sobbing into Klair’s shoulder. “It made me feel like he didn’t think I was good enough.”

“Because the way you looked at me…” His voice cracks. “I never, ever want to make you look at me like that again. I don’t think I could handle it.”

“What’s your favorite Taylor era?” Oh. My. God. Total and utter shock consumes me. Did I perhaps snag a…Swiftie? “I knew I liked you for a reason,” I say, trying to pick up my dropped jaw. “But this will definitely be a conversation for date two because I could talk all things Ms. Swift all night.”

Dean pulls his mic from its stand, stepping directly in front of the gaggle of bachelorettes and moves his body in a way that is simultaneously awkward yet…arousing?

this version of Graham—this carefree and achingly beautiful version of him—is one that will live rent-free in my mind for the rest of all time.

My mother has always been petite in stature but has a larger than life personality, one that has earned her the appropriate nickname Firecracker from my dad. He’s always said it’s because she fills his world with so much light, but I’m of the belief it’s because she has the ability to put on quite the spectacle.

Turning my attention back to Graham, I put my hands up in question. “What the heck just happened?” I laugh, setting my bag down on his chair. “The ever-persuasive Camila just happened,” he says, shaking his head.

I laugh. “Um, hello? Have you met me? I worry about everything…” I lean forward and give him one last kiss on those addictive lips of his before grabbing my bag and heading toward the door. “Besides, I literally just met your mother, so yeah, I’m definitely going to need to figure something out.”

But…no, it’s just that with him, it feels like exhaling. That’s the only way I can describe it. Like I’ve been holding this breath my entire life,” I point to my heart. “And then this man comes along, and he sees me for who I am, and for the first time in my life, I can just be.”

“I love my parents, more than anything in this whole world, but he is their weakness, and he always has been. No matter the cost or the lengths, they will drop everything anytime he needs them. How can I fault them for that? Isn’t that what any good parent would do? But, well…they have two sons, and I needed parents, too.” Tears return to Graham’s eyes, the same ones that compelled me to wrap him in my arms earlier. His confession shatters my heart into a million pieces.

“But I didn’t want to ever be another problem for them as they were drowning in the toxic chaos that was Luca. So, I vowed to be the perfect one…the one who was holding it all together no matter what was going on in my personal life, to ensure that they didn’t feel like they needed to parent me.”

“I was so jealous of him,” he continues, the tears now flowing freely. “My entire life has been spent feeling jealous of an addict. And I hate myself for that…I still do. I played everything safe so as not to take a step over this imaginary line my parents had, but Luca on the other hand, he just ran wild with the life he’d

Looking at it through my lens, that unbridled belief in himself…that unwavering faith in who he was despite all of his shortcomings…that is what I was jealous of.

but I hope you know that your life…the one that you built and made for yourself…is yours to live as you see fit. You get to be the adult that you want to be.” I reach back across the table and take his hands once more.

“But loving you and knowing you love me back has fundamentally changed me. It’s like being seen for the first time ever. Like I am free of the man I thought I needed to be and I finally get to be who I’ve always wanted to be—happy, spontaneous and so hopelessly in love with the man of my dreams.”

In the books that we publish, the idea of found family and meeting your person never really resonated with me.

“And if I have any say in the matter, I hope to be worthy of every second of your always.”

My father, one of the few people on this earth who is genetically programmed to love me, could not or would not choose me. An act that has left a scar on my heart so deep, so profoundly mangled, and unfixable, that I’ve convinced myself I’m unworthy

of love from anyone, unless I’m this perfect version of who they want me to be. Love has always felt conditional. Until now.

“I will spend the rest of my life telling and showing you that if you need me to, because I love you, Will. I am so sorry you are hurting, but I will help you through it with every ounce of love I have.”

Reaching into his jacket pocket, he places something small and hard in my hand. A key.

“Please move in with me,” he says between kisses. “You are the first thing I want to see each morning when I wake up and the last thing I want to see as each day ends.”