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get us some dinner—Thai, but nothing spicy. No noodles or rice. No soups or coconut. Absolutely no cilantro or mint.”
What's even left? 😂
His skin sits tight on his body, inked all over with tattoos. I see a scorpion, a knife and fork, a diamond ring. It’s like his body is the page he’s been doodling on while on hold to the electricity company. An upward trail of butterflies, a switchblade, a donut. The artistry is lovely. This is a guy who took a lot of care getting trivial, unrelated things printed all over himself. Nothing’s been colored in, and I want to unzip my pencil case and get to work. I’d start on that big unfurled rose on the back of his arm. Actually, I think I’d use a pink lipstick. The slanted tip would be just
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👌
Like he can feel her attention, he twists his black mane into a knot with an elastic from his wrist. It’s safer for the general public if he holsters a hair weapon like that.
😂
He speaks to Tattoo Guy and gives him a slap on the shoulder. Hey, man, how’s it hanging? Men are all part of one big penis club. Poor phrasing on my part. Now I’m looking at Tattoo Guy and I’m thinking the words big penis …
😂
I have the strangest thought: She doesn’t know about that rose on the back of his arm. That one’s mine.
💓
“He’s been my little bear since he was a baby,” Jerry says, making his adult son dissolve with embarrassment. It’s luscious to witness this moment. “But yes. He’s too old for a lot of things now. Definitely time for a haircut.” (Melanie writes down, little bear = baby Teddy, in her notepad, and now it’s me who’s trying not to laugh.)
💓💓💓
Teddy picks up her notepad. “ ‘Baby bear’? Oh my God, kill me now.” He picks up a pen and scribbles that out. He reads out more of her notes. “ ‘Haircut. Crowning glory. Golf course facials.’ This is a useful record, good job. Wait, what does this mean? ‘Warn Ruthie off this one again.’ ” Mel shrugs. “Just making sure my boss doesn’t get blinded by the hair.” Teddy’s eyes cut to me and he strokes his head with his fingertips. His gaze holds mine. Stay bland, Ruthie. Hold steady.With zero shame, he smiles at me and crosses out that “Warn Ruthie” line in Melanie’s notes.
😂🔥
“The Parlonis will be your bosses, not me.” “But I’d do anything you asked me to.” I don’t know why, but the way he says it flusters the absolute hell out of me.
🔥
“Kind of uptight,” Renata deadpans from behind us. What a treat to get a free master class in comic timing. She walks toward us. A bonus fashion show. Teddy is wonderstruck. “So green.” It’s an entirely green ensemble. She’s wearing very wide pants, a silk blouse, a bejeweled fanny pack, and a visor that has MONEY printed across the brim. Her little flat shoes sparkle. To top it off, she’s got on the emerald-green wig she calls “the Pisces.” She is wearing makeup that could be seen from the back row of a Broadway theater. Blending makeup is for “young people with time on their hands.”
D Y I N G
Renata reaches over and takes my wrist, unbuttoning my cuff and pushing up my sleeve. “We could take her to get a tattoo. I’ll pay. What should she get? I know, a big Virgin Mary.” She’s shockingly strong and I inhale as her nails begin to press. “Ow,” I protest. For the first time, Teddy looks truly uncomfortable. “That’s the first interview question? What tattoo would I, a licensed tattoo artist, give Ruthie? Whatever she asked for. Let her go, please.” His voice has dipped down into that particular register men use when they want their way, now. We three women suddenly remember what he is.
🔥🔥🔥
“We’re going to have to invent a new category, aren’t we, Ruthie?” This is her apology. “What are some of your common categories?” Teddy asks, like he is not dealing with a strange person. “Maybe I can tell you which one I fit into.” Renata begins ticking off on her fingers. “Country Bumpkin. Little Boy Lost. Too Dumb to Live. Fake Grandson—they’re the ones hoping to inherit.” Aggie adds, “Environmental Man—no deodorant.” “I wear deodorant.” “Another point to Teddy. I think sometimes I still get a whiff of Matthew,” Aggie says. “And it’s been years.” I try to join in. “Tortured Artist?” If
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😂😂😂
I put my hand into my hair, checking for unwinding strands. I bite back a yawn. I smush my lips around to redistribute my lip balm. Why is everything silent? I look up. Teddy is still looking at me. The sisters are looking at Teddy looking at me. Aggie is smiling. “Doesn’t she look so pretty sitting in that sunbeam?” Teddy jerks his eyes from me in surprise. So that’s what it feels like to be visible for a few long moments. Like touching a live wire. Renata adds, “There is an expression. Still waters run deep. Do you know what that means?” “I do now,” he replies, again with that sincerity. “I
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😍😍🔥🔥PERFECT QUOTE!!!
His fingers marked GIVE find the line between the sheets and slide up. Forgotten parts of my body tighten in response. Wallpaper gets more action than me.
😂
You did good,” I admit grudgingly. “Vintage is what I would go for, too.” “No, she absolutely hated the shirt. My first task in the morning is to bury it in the garden, I quote, ‘a minimum of three feet deep.’ I think she’s serious.” “I guarantee she is.”
😂
“I feel like I’ve known you forever,” Teddy replies, with an earnestness that takes a bone-crushing amount of effort to resist. But to borrow Renata’s words: I’ve been training for this. When he leaves for good, I’ll be left remembering how lovely this moment felt. Effortless, instant friendships don’t come along every day. Everyone who’s needed my help has eventually vanished without a backward glance. The fold-out sofa in my parents’ basement is remade with fresh sheets. The residents change their address to heaven. The Parloni boys leave in a fury. Melanie’s contract will end. Sylvia hasn’t
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😢
“Fuck, these walls are thin. We need to make a toilet roster. I have this medical condition where I cannot take a shit if a pretty girl might be listening.” I hear a tub-squeak on his side of the wall. My mouth opens and I cackle at the ceiling. “Oh my God.” I blaspheme loud enough that God’s going to call my father personally. Reverend Midona, it’s about your daughter. Wait. Did Teddy say pretty girl?
😂💓
“Did Mom tell you that I’m the manager here at Providence while Sylvia is on her cruise?” As soon as I hear the hopeful boast in my voice, it feels like an error. This feels like that moment when you’ve set up a joke perfectly, and the other person has a killer punch line. He delivers it. “I hope you’re remembering to lock the office. Here’s your mother.” “Okay then. Bye.” I hold the receiver away to exhale. I’m shaky and tears are threatening. I’m careful now. Aren’t I?
Aww
“One lives next door to me now. He’s my age, he’s pretty nice.” “A boy.” She’s doubtful. She still thinks of me as fifteen years old, not twenty-five. “Oh, I don’t know about this, Ruthie.” “It’s completely fine. He’s the son of the owner.” “As long as this boy doesn’t come inside your place,”
Ummm... i don't think she should have said that 😂
Sylvia told me before I left that she specifically didn’t want me messing around with the accounts. I don’t want to come back to another Ruthie disaster, she’d said, and I knew exactly what she meant. I tell Rose now, “Sylvia checks everything before I send it through to PDC. Everything you have will be right.”
Hmm... has she done a runner with money?
There is definitely a table for four with a reserved sign, but two tables of two are being hastily reset. “We’re sitting here. You two have to sit by yourselves,” Renata booms across dozens of well-dressed people eating their meals. “How very romantic.” Every single person lowers their cutlery and looks at me. I feel like every single loose thread in my outfit is visible. Renata isn’t done. “Ruthie, you can practice having a date before the real thing comes along.” “The real thing?” Teddy repeats. “Pinch me. Last time I checked, I was real.” “You know what she means.” I am neon pink with
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Dying
“Any dietary restrictions?” “Just basic poverty.” Teddy is gratified when I laugh.
Fave!!! 😂😂😂😂
“She pretended to be dead and he ran away and never came back. For all he knows, she did die.” I turn and watch Renata laughing with Aggie. “It was so unnecessary. Sometimes I wonder if she’s actually evil.” “I think she tried that with me. I changed the TV channel; that restarted her heart.
*snorts*
