Gus (Bright Side, #2)

by Kim Holden

The light, the bright light, is gone.

The only name I want to see, both on an instinctive and selfish level, isn't here. And it never will be again.

Silence isn't the enemy. It can bring comfort and clarity and validation. It's a reminder of time for what it is…presence.

Bright Side wasn't only my best friend; she was like my other half…the other half of my brain, the other half of my conscience, the other half of my sense of humor, the other half of my creativity, the other half of my heart. How do you go back to doing what you did before, when half of you is gone forever?

Getting lost in calm and beauty is a gift.

Some people wear their scars on the outside. Others wear them on the inside. Same difference.

You know that saying, 'everything happens for a reason'?" I nod. She can't see me, but she can feel me. "I wonder if the person who said it had ever lost someone."

"That's the secret. You find what you love and you go for it. Life ain't about coasting. It's about pushin' the damn gas pedal all the way to the floor. Same goes for fun and love, no coasting. Pedal to the floor."

"Listen to me, boy. You only get one chance at this circus called life. Don't sit in the crowd watchin' it happen. You jump right in and be the ringleader. That's where you find your fire."

"Nope. Here's the thing about life, boy. We meet a lot of people along this journey. Some of them are sonsabitches and some are special. When you find the special ones you don't take a moment for granted, because you never know when your time with them is gonna be up. I got over fifty years with my Fritz. Fifty wonderful years. When he died, I was lost for a few months. I lost my fire. But then I realized that life's short and I had a choice to make. I could keep bein' miserable, or I could go find joy and live again." She's squeezing even harder now. "If you only listen to one thing this crazy old lady tells you, I hope it's this: ain't nobody gonna stoke your fire but you, boy." She looks at me hard with her grey, cloudy eyes. "You go make life happen."

Bright Side always said our music made people feel something. I think I know exactly what she meant. Because right now, I feel it.

Right now, sitting here, I miss her. I'll always miss her. But I miss her in a different way today. In a way that makes me smile at the memory of her.

There's something epic that happens every day if you look hard enough for it. And every day is a chance to go out there and do epic. The key is putting forth the effort.

"What I'm trying to say is that I don't even think blood relatives have the kind of bond that you and I have. It was a gift. You were a gift. A gift that made my life worthwhile. A gift that made life fun. A gift that filled me with music. A gift that filled me with love. A gift that inspired me to live on the bright side.

Please let the stress and the sadness and the anger go. It's time to do epic again, dude."

I guess the biggest epiphany of all is that, sitting here, I realize how much I love my family, all of them. And even if they don't love me back the same way, or to the same degree, maybe that's not what's important. Maybe it's about my heart. Maybe it's about me feeling fulfilled and accepting that love is never perfect, and that, if it allows you to feel at peace, it's okay if it is a little one-sided. Maybe it's about opening up your definition of family to include friends, too. Because friends are the family you choose.

"We all have our own journey. The older I get, the more I'd like to believe that I'm here to set an example for a younger generation…like you. But what Kate and Grace," he looks pointedly at me to make sure he has my attention, "and you, my boy, have taught me over the years is that I am the student, not the teacher. The three of you young people are the most sincere, passionate human beings I've ever met. The care you put into your friendships is unsurpassed."

Him playing her instrument is a fitting, beautiful way to seal the day. It's like the coda in the song of her life. I finally feel like that part of Bright Side can rest. I'll hear her forever playing in my mind, and that's enough for me.

"Did we just become best friends?" I yell at him in my best Will Ferrell impersonation. I'm quoting the movie, Step Brothers. I don't know if he'll get the reference. But when he enthusiastically answers, "Yup," I continue on quoting the movie, "Do you wanna go do karate in the garage?" "Yup," he answers, and we both start laughing.

I think finding the perfect partner is as much about timing, as it is about the person himself." "What do you mean?" "I mean, I think people find each other when they're ready for them. When they need each other the most. And it's in that time of need that the strongest relationships are formed."

Bright Side helped make me the man I am, and Scout helped me remember who that man was, helping me become my own person.

"I've learned a lot about life these past few months. Living life…really living it…is work. It's exhausting if you're doing it right. If you're out there making the most of every day. Every minute. Every second. Because out there in the middle of the chaos, that's where you find the beauty. That's where you find the reward.

Idleness and complacency lead to mediocrity. Sometimes action is really fucking hard-fought, but that's when the payoff's the highest. That's when great things happen. Not good things…but epic things. And I've fallen in love with epic. It's the only way to live.