Don't Believe Everything You Think

by Joseph Nguyen

most of us only change when the pain of holding on to what we’re attached to is greater than the fear of the unknown

We cannot change what we are not aware of, and once we are aware, we cannot help but change. —Sheryl Sandberg

what we hold on to perpetuates our reality what we let go of creates new possibilities

It is said that two arrows fly our way whenever we experience a negative event. Being struck by the first arrow hurts—that arrow is pain. The second arrow is our emotional reaction to the first, and often, it is even more painful than the first arrow. That second arrow is where suffering originates from.

although we inevitably experience pain in our lives, suffering is optional. And it is this suffering from which we can learn to free ourselves.

how long are you going to keep holding on to the story you don’t want to keep reliving?

We live in a world of thought, not reality. Philosopher Sydney Banks once said, “Thought is not reality, yet it is through thought that our realities are created.” What he means by this is that each of us lives through our own perception of the world, which is vastly different from that of the person next to us.

while we can change our thinking, the most ideal path to serenity is to let go of our thinking entirely. Without our own thinking about an event, we find peace because we are experiencing exactly what reality is without our own judgments, stories, or expectations of it.

true freedom isn’t in having complete control of our minds but in the ability to be unattached to whatever happens in it

I think and think and think, I’ve thought myself out of happiness one million times, but never once into it. —Jonathan Safran Foer

Thoughts versus Thinking

Thoughts are the energetic, mental raw materials our minds use to understand and navigate the world. Thoughts are neutral observations, insights, or intuitive promptings that pop into our minds. A thought takes little to no effort to produce; it’s something that just happens.

Thinking, on the other hand, is the judgment or opinion we have about our thoughts. Thinking takes a significant amount of energy, effort, and willpower, which are finite resources. You don’t have to ruminate on each thought that enters your mind, but when you do, that is thinking.

thought is a noun and isn’t something that we do but something we have. Thinking, on the other hand, is a verb and is something we do. It is the act of engaging with our thoughts.

Thoughts are intrinsically neutral. But the moment we begin thinking about our thoughts, we get taken on an emotional roller coaster. This is what I mean when I say that thinking is the root of our suffering.

When I mention that thinking leads to negative emotions, most people assume that we must therefore have positive thoughts or think positively in order to feel positive emotions. But this is not the case. While positive thoughts can lead to positive emotions, it is not the only way to experience them, nor is it required.

The truth is that you do not have to have thoughts or think to feel positive emotions. Positive emotions are not a byproduct of thinking but the organic result of being fully in the present moment and connected to life rather than thinking about it.

Whenever you feel highly stressed, you will notice that you have a significant amount of thinking going on.

On the other hand, the intensity of the positive emotion you feel is inversely proportional to the amount of thinking you are doing at the moment. In other words, the less thinking you have going on, the stronger the positive emotion you feel in the present.

when you’re not thinking, you experience calm, peace, or even joy.

An analogy to help visualize this concept is to imagine our minds have speedometers (like in a car), but instead of speed, it measures the amount of thinking. The more thinking we have going on, the higher the “think-o-meter” goes, and if we have enough thinking going on, it’ll go into the red zone. This is when we feel stressed, burned out, frustrated, and angry.

The goal is to minimize the time we spend thinking about our thoughts so that eventually, we can get to the point where we spend most of our day not caught up in our thinking and live in a harmonious state more often.

This may surprise you, but we don’t have to do anything to minimize our thinking; we only have to become aware of it and choose to let it go rather than hold on to it.

The way to break free from our thinking is to relax our minds and trust that our natural inner wisdom will guide us back to clarity and peace like it always has.

We cannot always control or prevent the oscillation between thinking and non-thinking, but we can minimize the time spent thinking and thus create more moments where we feel joyful, peaceful, passionate, and full of love.

I swear to you that to think too much is a disease, a real, actual disease. —Fyodor Dostoyevsky

PAUSE.

pause and begin taking deep breaths to help calm our nervous systems.

ask yourself, “Is this thinking making me feel the way I want?” or “Do I want to keep suffering?” These questions remind us of the power we have to choose whether we want to emotionally suffer or not.

understand that you have the choice to stop and let go of your thinking. At this moment, you must decide what you want.

say and repeat to yourself, “Thinking is the root cause of suffering.” Reminding yourself of this disempowers your thinking, making it easier to manage because you begin to see through it.

experience your emotions fully. Most of our destructive habits and behaviors come from the avoidance and suppression of emotions.

What would it feel like to experience your emotions without judgment? Can you feel how there’s less resistance to them? Can you feel how much easier it is to let them go? How much more liberating does that feel?

use negative emotions as a reminder that you are thinking.

When you’re doing your best work and are in a total state of flow, where there is no separation between you and the work you are doing, little to no thinking is happening in the mind.

In Japanese culture, there is a beautiful word to describe this phenomenon: mushin, which is often translated as “no mind.”

the definition of mushin in practice from the Shotokan Times: Mushin is achieved when [the] mind is free of random thoughts, free of anger, free of fear, and particularly free of ego. It applies during combat and/or other facets of life. When mushin is achieved during combat, there is an absence of loose or rambling thoughts. It leaves the practitioner free to act and react without hesitation. He reacts according to all of the study and training that has brought [him] to this point. Relying on not what you think should be your next move but on what your trained, instinctive, subconscious reaction directs you to do.

There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so. —William Shakespeare

Have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary. —Steve Jobs

When you’re following your intuition, you’re tapped into something greater than yourself. You’re in a state of non-thinking and in direct connection with the Universe. Intuition is not a form of thinking. It’s a sense of knowing. You’re not thinking about what to do; you just know what to do.

Don’t think. It complicates things. Just feel, and if it feels like home, then follow its path. —R. M. Drake

have an “activation ritual.” An activation ritual is a morning routine that helps them get into a state of non-thinking and flow. It can be any activity or routine that helps you feel grounded and allows you to practice getting into a state of non-thinking. Examples might be exercising, meditating, performing breathwork, praying, journaling, or making tea. It does not matter what the activity is as long as it helps you feel centered.

I realized that if I create reasons for why I love her, then it makes my love for her conditional on those specific traits or actions, as if I would stop loving her if she doesn’t do them. This, of course, is not true.

Makenna couldn’t list reasons why she loved me because her love for me was unconditional. While there are things she loves about me, there are no reasons why she loves me. If she had reasons, it would mean she only loved me if I were exemplifying those traits.