He Who Fights with Monsters 6 (He Who Fights with Monsters, #6)

by Shirtaloon

You’re all too obsessed with power to realise you’re looting a house as it burns down around you.”

“At least I don’t have to save the world in my underpants. It’d be a good story, though. Maybe I should… no, that wouldn’t be sensible.”

“Greg called me a tool more than once,” he said to the empty room with a sad smile. “I guess I can’t begrudge some super god from taking it literally.”

“As long as they’re not from Evangelion,” he muttered to himself. “That show is way more messed up than Lovecraft.”

“Pro,” he mused out loud. “If I include the cloud flask, the extra effect may be a flying cloud, like Monkey Magic. I mean, yeah, I’m not short on flying powers. I have Shade and I can fly with my cloak, but still. Definite pro.”

In the face of that, there was little point in holding off on taking power he could get now for some potential power that might never come.

“See,” Farrah complained. “Even dying makes him come back stronger. That guy could fall into a pit trap and he’d crawl out with a beautiful woman and a sack of cash.”

“It’s like there’s a dry ice machine hidden in my underpants.”

I think going warlock ninja as a profession was the right call.”

“Don’t open them both,” he admonished himself. “You only need one door. Opening them both would be cheesy and melodramatic. For once, don’t be a chuuni and go through just one door. Like a regular person.” He walked up and pushed both doors open. “I guess, in life, you have to be true to yourself.”

“You want something in return for your help saving the world that you live on?” Jason asked pointedly. “Kind of a prick move, but what exactly do you have in mind?”

“Mr Asano, I hope the next time we meet, it will be as allies. You are an enemy I would rather not have.” “Then you should be more discerning in the company you keep. That said, I imagine we will all stand together when the time comes.

“I have to check that out after I have this shootout with that small army of astronauts.” He paused again. “I know the fate of the world is at stake and I might die, but sometimes I just love my life.”

“I’ll catch you all up at some point but I’m kind of in the middle of something right now. I guess I can hit the highlights. Farrah’s alive; that’s a winner. So am I, for that matter, which may be more surprising. I die kind of a lot. Is three times a lot? I mean, three isn’t a big number, but not many people hit the triple when it comes to carking it. I think three counts as a lot.”

“It’s still not about killing monsters,” he told his reflection in a wall mirror. “It’s about how good you look while killing monsters.”

“Sometimes in life, we all suffer setbacks. It is how we respond to them that helps us grow.”

“Knowing the right choice is not the same as making it, Mr Asano. You may no longer be human, but your human nature remains.”

“You’re an adventurer, Mr Asano. Get up and go do your damn job.”

“When I was in a situation not that different from yours, I made the choice to be an adventurer. I don’t know how that translates into Slovak, but it means that when there’s some crazy-dangerous magic and some innocent people, my job is standing in between it and them.”

“Please don’t be juvenile, Mr Asano.” “You think it’s beneath me to say?” “No, Mr Asano. It is beneath me to listen.”

Miss Hurin’s world, it is called the battle trance.”

“No one could ask for more,” Shade repeated, his voice once more composed. “Whatever we face in this place, we face together.”

“Mate, you’re a captain in the fleet of a cosmic pirate admiral. How many people have you killed in the name of your boss playing with blocks like an infant? I’d tell you to take your integrity and shove it up your boss’ arse, next to where he put his thanks, but you beat me to it. Probably by a few centuries.”

“If the Builder didn’t want a mortal to have it, he shouldn’t have given it to them. Instead of doing his job, he played games and he lost.”

“Because if we don’t understand the mortal parts of ourselves, it causes problems when we leave the last of our mortality behind.”

“I cared about you very deeply, once,” he said. “Yet you never really knew me. It’s a very mortal failing.”

“Nice. You know, for a super god’s lackey, you’re an alright sheila.” “Better to be a queen than a pawn, Jason.”

“Based on how you kicked off this conversation, I thought that questions the other person definitely won’t answer was the dynamic we were going with here.”

“Dawn isn’t here to tell me not to do something stupid,” he said. “I have you, Farrah, but you’ll just help me do something stupid better. We need to be our own voices of caution now.”

“It means that all that really matters is what we decide matters to us. We can let all the petty crap fall away.”

“I won’t ever take a step back from the Builder. I can’t. Standing against it is engraved on my soul as much as the scars that fight left behind.”

“I need more women friends,” she said grumpily, getting to her feet. “Men are willing to melodrama themselves to death.”

“Are you kidding? I was shooting werewolves and trolls with a steampunk minigun. It was the most awesomest thing that ever happened.”

“Is it just me, or did Shade seem kind of passive-aggressive?” Vermillion asked. “It felt a little more like regular aggressive to me,” Spencer said.

How far do you think we can push before Jason takes that point and impales us all on it?”

“What is this made of?” “Clouds,” Taika said. “Clouds?” “Clouds,” Taika confirmed. “How does that work?” Dashiell asked. “Magic, bro. Are you new?”

“Sometimes the cost of staying silent is worse than the cost of speaking up, whatever that price may be,” Jason admitted. “It doesn’t make the cost any less real.”

a final piece of advice: don’t build your bridge here. Put it somewhere that people aren’t going to get hurt.”

“Mate, I’ve got them coming out my arse. Not literally; you won’t have to wash them first.”

We might be up against a lot, but we at least have the power to fight for our own fates. There’s a world full of people that don’t have that luxury right now. I won’t lie and tell you that I’m in a good place right now, but days like today will get me through.”

“A guy can live in hope, though. Plan and adapt.”

“We’re really going to take on gold-rank vampires, two-on-two,” Farrah said. “The person who thinks something is impossible fails before they even start,” Jason told her. “That person also doesn’t get turned into a beverage for their hubris,” Farrah said. “Just try not to think about that part.”

“Why would I want to learn Russian? I already speak French.” “What does that mean?” “It’s the superior language. The language of passion, of sensuality. Everything you say in Russian sounds like you’re telling off your dog when he doesn’t deserve it.” “Russian is the language of men, while French is the language of women!”

“Is there something about my face that makes me seem really, really forgetful? People keep telling me my own name as if I somehow don’t know what it is.” “You do seem like an idiot,” Farrah said.

“Your belief is irrelevant,” Jason said. “We’re taking what we came for. We were hoping there would be a nice quiet vault to raid with no one here. You’d be well-served by pretending we were right.”

You are going to answer my questions, and if you lie to me again, I’m putting you down. If you refuse to answer, I’m putting you down. If you try to stop me, not only am I putting you down, but I’m putting your people down, and none of you are getting back up again. You have no further chances to push my forbearance, is that understood?”

“Find people you trust to keep yourself in check, Ingrid. Otherwise, you’ll find yourself pointing a gun at the nice boy who has a crush on you.”

“People kept talking about Batman,” she said. “I looked him up. There was more of a focus on nipples than I expected.”

“It’s not a choice of saving them or not, Jason. It’s a choice of a quick, clean death in white-hot fire or being turned into a monster. Or food. That’s all you can do for them.”

“Okay,” Travis said, getting to his feet. “I need to go in the other room. This is getting awkward and I left my thinly-veiled excuse to leave you two alone in there.”