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September 26 - October 2, 2023
This was the stare of a creature who understood she was confronting death itself, and still chose to spit in its face. “A little serpent,” he murmured.
Hundreds of years later, historians and scholars would look back upon this moment. This decision that, one day, would topple an empire. What a strange choice, they would whisper. Why would he do this? Why, indeed. After all, vampires know better than anyone how important it is to protect their hearts. And love, understand, is sharper than any stake.
I loved it—really, truly loved it—when they underestimated me.
I would survive the Kejari. I would win it. Just like Vincent had before me, two hundred years ago.
Death isn’t frightening when weighed against an insignificant existence.”
I didn’t cry. No. I was fucking furious. Sadness was a futile, weak emotion. At least anger was useful—a sharp edge to cut another’s heart, or a hard shell to protect your own.
“You stabbed me.” “You grabbed me.” “I was trying to save your life.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t aim higher.” He looked pointedly down at himself. “A little higher, or a lot higher?”
“BACK THE FUCK UP.” I slammed my palm against the hard muscle of his chest. The burst of magic blinded me. Deafened me. White-blue consumed my vision. My back smashed against the wall. Raihn went flying across the room. And the flare of light faded just in time for me to see the window shatter, as he went careening through the glass.
It struck me, all at once, exactly how much Vincent loved me.
Animal. Fucking rot there with the shit and the piss and the trash, just like all the other rat carcasses.
“It’s that unbelievable that I have respect for human life?” he snapped. “I used to fucking be one of them.”
He laughed. Not a chuckle or a scoff—a laugh, full and deep and shockingly loud. I couldn’t even remember the last time I had heard someone laugh like that. Myself included. Not since… not since Ilana.
And I could feel… strength. Delirious strength. It surrounded me, ready to be drawn upon. The Nightfire. It was energy. It was power. Mische’s words, which not long ago had seemed totally illogical—it’s just there—suddenly made sense.
“The Nightfire.” As if he heard it anyway. “You killed four demons.”
No, this was the beginning of something horrible. A bloody birth of a bloodier monster. One that could devour us all.
And then I realized. I realized that fear, when embraced, hardens and sharpens. That it becomes rage. That it becomes power. I would not die here. I let my fury explode.
He was on his knees, staring up at me. And that—the way he looked at me—was the first thing that felt real. Real, and raw, and… and confusing. Because he looked at me in sheer awe—like I was the most incredible thing he had ever seen. Like I was a fucking goddess.
“I can’t take credit for everything that you’ve become, Oraya. Even if sometimes I wish I could. But if I’m responsible for just one small piece of that, it will have been the greatest accomplishment of my life.”
“Some would call you a dangerous person.” The corner of his mouth curled. “Not with you.”
“Don’t be so quick to throw away your humanity, Oraya,” he said. “You might find you miss it once it’s gone.”
“I’ve lived through some injustices in the last couple of centuries. Seen some fucking travesties. But one of the biggest, Oraya, is that anyone taught you that you should become anything other than exactly what you are.”
“You might destroy me anyway.” I saw it here, in this moment. Want. Desire.
“That wasn’t how I’d imagined making you come for the first time,” he remarked.
“Careful, princess,” he said at last, his voice rough. “Someone might think you’re actually nice.”
“You are the most stunning thing I’ve ever seen, Oraya.”
Strange, that girls are so often told that the loss of their virginity marks a threshold between girlhood and womanhood, as if it fundamentally alters them in some way. It was not the sex that changed the girl forever. Not the blood that spilled between her thighs that shaped her. The blood that spilled over that marble floor, though… Those are the stains on one’s innocence that never fade.
“Why do I care?” he rasped, again. “Are you a fucking fool, Oraya?” I wasn’t expecting the desperation in his voice. Like he was pleading for help. He scoffed. “Or maybe I am.” No. We both were.
“I’ve… done a lot of thinking about this.”
Maybe it was in the way he looked at me right now that made me understand exactly how much he wanted me. I had him.
“I would beg,” he murmured. “For you, I would. You have fucking destroyed me, Oraya. Do you know that?”
I didn’t know if they were cheering for my victory or for my death. Maybe both. Who cared, so long as it was a good show?
“I’m glad it was you,” he said, quietly. And I made sure my aim was true as I slid my blade right into his heart.
Let out a roar of rage. Not at Raihn, but at the world that had put both of us here.
“End it, princess,” Raihn murmured.
I opened my eyes. I had won. Raihn was dead.
If so, I envied her. Because she was wrong. My heart was already broken. It had cracked in a thousand moments over the last twenty years. The first blow came the night my family died. Only now, by my own hand, did it shatter.
“I wish that Raihn had won.” Vincent’s face went white.
No, I did not look away as I watched Raihn kill my father.
“I love you. I loved you from the first moment.” Bubbles of blood formed at the corners of his mouth. His gaze drifted past me, to the night sky. Then it dragged back to me—the movement slow, laborious, like he was working very hard to make sure I was the last thing he saw. “So many mistakes in the end,” he choked out. “Never you.” For the rest of my life, I would wish I had said something to my father as he died in my arms. He was a terrible person in so many ways. And yet I loved him.
The grief tore me apart in its jaws. So much worse than I ever thought it would be. No. I preferred anger. Blue-white flames consumed my vision. Every muscle coiled. I guarded Vincent’s body like a wolf over her den—a serpent over her nest.
What? I looked down at myself. Red ink had spread over my chest. Cairis gasped, “She’s a fucking Heir.”
“I took Vincent’s kingdom,” Raihn snarled. “I took his life. I took his title. And now, I will take his daughter. I’ll make her my wife. Keep her close, where I can keep an eye on her. And I’ll make sure it hurts when I fuck her, just like it did when he raped our queen two hundred years ago.”
What the fuck
“I hate you,” I spat at Raihn.
The girl who had lived here was a child. Now I was… I didn’t even know anymore.
But no. I wouldn’t cry. I would not fucking cry.
Fine. I had my teeth and fingernails. I attacked him like an animal.
I noticed him watch the distance widen. I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was—of how I used to move that way every time we were in the same room together. I wondered if I imagined that he looked a little sad.
Wedding. Oh, Mother. “I’m not marrying you,” I spat. “Yes, you are.” “Fuck you. I am not.”
In this moment I recognized, with unmistakable clarity, that Raihn was in love with me.
