Call Me Freak

by J.A. Roles

Everyone has trauma therapy can’t fix. And that’s okay. You’re okay. We’ll get through this life together.

She was my release. My escape from reality. My escape from the fucked up life I lived. And the beauty of it all was that she never stopped me. She never said no. She never truly resisted because I was her escape, too.

Bi-polar is only one of my many mental health issues. My mind is a daily war zone and a battle of right versus wrong. Of what is real and what isn’t.

In that instant, I understand that my act of release is not just about setting her free but also about releasing a part of myself that’s been living in fear of letting things go. Not just the bird, not just people, but my trauma. Maybe one day I’ll figure out how to let it go. I know it won’t be any time soon. I’m not that fucking naive.

I’m craving pussy right now. Scared pussy. Pussy that doesn’t know it wants me until I stretch it and devour it. Take it. Own it. Claim it. I need to find Natalia. I need my Little Sparrow.

I reach for my phone and find you. I scroll through your Instagram feed. You keep it set to public, you fucking like the attention, don’t you? There you are smiling that beautiful fucking smile of yours, posing with your friends. Look at you, happy and carefree. I feel a twinge of jealousy, knowing that I’m not the one making you smile. I want to make you smile again, build you up before I fucking ruin you. Oh, I can ruin you in every way imaginable. I want to fucking destroy your pussy, my pretty Little Sparrow. Do everything to you. Own you. Force you to worship me once more, just like you had all those summers ago. What a fucking woman you’ve become Natalia Petrova.

You’re irreplaceable. I have to have you. I have needs. God fucking damn it, Little Sparrow. My pleasure and pain arise whenever I look at you. That toxic mix drives me insane. It stirs and reawakens the psycho inside of me. I can’t not have you. You’re mine, and I’ll do whatever it takes to claim you. Own you. Mark you as mine. I know you’ll submit once you have my cock again—that’s a fucking guarantee.

I needed to be with her. To be with Natalia Petrova, my Little Sparrow.

Fuck that, I’ll take what belongs to me. There’s no such thing as invading her privacy and crossing boundaries when she’s always been destined to belong to me. I couldn’t stop then, and I wouldn’t stop now.

A used tampon catches my eye. One of my favorite items of yours—always. I hold it to my nostrils and inhale it. Your scent hasn’t changed. I wonder if you still taste the same? I lick the still wet blood up and down, tasting your blood mixed with your pussy’s natural wetness. Fucking delicious. You must have discarded these items before you went to bed.

But I won’t give up. I’ll wait for the perfect moment to make my move, to show you that I’m the one who truly cares for you. I’m the one who should own you. Keep you for myself. I might not treat you like a princess straight away, but you’ll learn to treat me like a King and then you’ll be deserving of the princess treatment.

“Chop, chop, chop. Beef, pork, and chicken, Doesn’t matter what it is if the blade is licking. Chop, chop, chop. Cold dead eyes, On this table we end lives. Cut the mass of meat, Hand and feet slice off neat. Thick thighs fight and squirm, Still we slice them off with a wrist so firm. Chop, chop, chop. Bones and brisket. Loins and steak, Keep on chopping our blade doesn’t break. Flesh is flesh, the blood won’t stop, Breaking bones until they pop. Steel blade in hand, and soul long gone, We carry out what can’t be undone. The work isn’t finished until the body runs dry, Tears for them we’ll never cry. Slaughter, slaughter, Son or daughter. Chop, chop, chop. Chop, chop, fucking chop.”

“Tonight, I’ll leave you covered in bruises, bite marks, and my cum. You’ll be in no doubt that I’ve conquered your body and taken back what belongs to me. My precious girl.”

The sound rips a low, violent growl from my chest. I crush my mouth against hers—brutal, desperate—kissing her like I'm trying to climb inside her body, trying to devour her whole.

“I’ve killed for you angel and I'll do it again and again. As many times as I need to in order to keep you safe. To keep you mine,” I whisper into her ear, voice wrecked and trembling. “I’d burn kingdoms. I’d drown cities. I’d tear the fucking world apart, Natalia, and I’d never feel a shred of guilt.”

“I had no choice. I promise I’ll never leave you again. You have my heart, soul, body, mind, everything I am belongs to you, Natalia Petrova.”

“Everyone has trauma therapy can’t fix. And that’s okay. You’re okay. I’m okay.

“Shush. Don’t move. Don’t make a sound. Be still and enjoy my touch. I’ve come to worship your heavenly body this morning. My perfect little angel.”

“There’s no escape. I will have my cock in your mouth and then in every little hole of yours tonight. You hold me so well. It’s as though your hand was made for my cock, and my cock was made for your mouth, for your pussy, for your tits. I’ll fuck your ass and the back of your knees, your toes, your fucking armpits. I want my cock to conquer and explore every inch of your body, just as my tongue has already licked every crevice of your body before.”

“Whilst I knelt, I saw shoes, shoes attached to legs, attached to a body, arms, shoulders, a head with a noose around its neck. My father had hung himself. I jumped to my feet and tried to lift him, but I was never going to succeed. Even if I wasn’t writhing around in pain, I wouldn’t have been able to lift a six-foot-three, two-hundred-and-fifty-pound man. As I sat there clutching my neck, unable to call out for help, barely able to remain conscious it hit me like a train traveling a thousand miles an hour into a fucking brick wall. This wasn’t an accident. My father had taken me from my home with one intention, ending his life and mine. My own father. The one who was supposed to protect me. The one who had always protected me when Mother’s rages went too far. Sure, he beat me himself but never to the extremes that she had. I couldn’t believe it was real. He tried to end my life. I don’t know why the fuck I didn’t die. And you know what Mother told me when she found out?” I open my soul to my Little Sparrow, she’s more than earned my trust.

You fucking melt my cold, dead heart. You want me to hold it with you. You want me to protect you and keep you safe. You make me feel like a real fucking man. The way a man should feel.