Call Me Freak

by J.A. Roles

Everyone has trauma, therapy can't fix. And that's okay. You're okay. We'll get through this life together.

She was my release. My escape from reality. My escape from the fucked up life I lived. And the beauty of it all was that she never stopped me. She never said no. She never truly resisted, because I was her escape, too.

Fakes. Not me. I am who I am. Well, usually. I mean, we all play a role at some point. We all pretend to be stable. I don't believe there's a single human that isn't really fucked up by life, by experiences... and if there is, then that's one lucky motherfucker right there.

In fact, it's almost time for me to go before the crazy board, and beg and plead my case, fein my sanity and get the fuck out of here. This time for good, because I swear on my dead grandmother's ashes— I'm not coming back here again. I'll do whatever the fuck it takes to stay on the outside. I despise crazy people.

My mind, a labyrinth of tangled emotions and fragile sanity that clashes swords in a battle against my easily triggered insanity. Bi-polar is only one of my many mental health issues. My mind is a daily war zone and a battle of right versus wrong.

I hear noise coming from down the hallway. A bunch of crazies are excited about something—my gut tells me they've got my fucking bird. If they hurt her, so help me motherfucking God. I stalk forward into the room and see one of them I only know as Alexi, holding her tightly in his hands. "Give it to me!" I demand. "What do you want with a little bird like this? You can't fuck it," he mocks me and they all laugh. "No, but I can bend you over and fuck you if I wanted to. You wouldn't want that would you? Now hand me my fucking bird." I grip hold of his throat and press hard into his Adam's apple. "Chill, man. Take the fucking bird." He throws her towards the doorway.

Take responsibility. Accept the error of your ways and they'll respect you more. A weak man denies his acts. A strong man owns them.

I'm craving pussy right now. Scared pussy. Pussy that doesn't know it wants me until I stretch it and devour it. Take it. Own it. Claim it. I need to find Natalia. I need my Little Sparrow.

My heart pounding with anticipation and nerves only told me what I already knew— I needed to be with her. To be with Natalia Petrova, my Little Sparrow.

Yet, at the same time, I'm haunted by thoughts of her rejection. What if she doesn't want me? Fuck that, I'll take what belongs to me. There's no such thing as invading her privacy and crossing boundaries when she's always been destined to belong to me. I couldn't stop then, and I wouldn't stop now.

A used tampon catches my eye. One of my favourite items of yours— always. I hold it to my nostrils and inhale it. Your scent hasn't changed. I wonder if you still taste the same? I lick the still wet blood up and down, tasting your blood mixed with your pussy's natural wetness. Fucking delicious. You must have discarded these items before you went to bed. Lucky me. I'll keep these and add them to my box labelled 'Little Sparrow.'

"Mother, why didn't you love me the way you loved Pawel?" I ask. I'm met by a blank stare. I'm sure she's fucking with me. Looking into my eyes and beyond them. It's like staring into a soulless, empty vessel— a shell, a ghost. The lights are on but no one is fucking home. I realise, I can never forgive this woman. I truly fucking hate her. She's the reason I'm the way I am. She's the reason I'm fucked up. The reason I'm not a normal guy, a normal human like everyone else. She scarred me, physically, mentally, emotionally. I'm stronger now, but sometimes I find myself wanting to cry for that little boy. Little fucking Dmitry. Little fucking Dima. My innocence was destroyed in so many ways. Destroyed by those who were supposed to fucking protect me. To love me.

"You into some weird shit or something? Is she your ex-girlfriend? Are you stalking this chick? What kind of freak are you?" His mouth keeps moving as he lies in the trunk. "This kind of freak. The kind that'll stab you until your fucking insides are falling out." I stab at his stomach over and over. Blood splashes up onto my face. "Now look at what you made me do. Fucksake, I have blood on my face. Lucky for me I always carry a clean cloth in my pocket in case of these emergencies."

But I won't give up. I'll wait for the perfect moment to make my move, to show you that I'm the one who truly cares for you. I'm the one who should own you. Keep you for myself. I might not treat you like a princess straight away but you'll learn to treat me like a King and then you'll be deserving of the princess treatment.

"Tonight, I'll leave you covered in bruises, bite marks, and my cum. You'll be in no doubt that I've conquered your body and taken back what belongs to me,"

"Everyone has trauma, therapy can't fix. And that's okay. You're okay. I'm okay.

"There's no escape. I will have my cock in your mouth and then in every little hole of yours tonight. You hold me so well. It's as though your hand was made for my cock and my cock was made for your mouth, for your pussy, for your tits. I'll fuck your arse and the back of your knees, your toes, your fucking armpits. I want my cock to conquer and explore every inch of your body, just as my tongue has already licked every crevice of your body before."