My Mechanical Romance

by Alexene Farol Follmuth

“The world is not very helpful to a smart girl,” says Ms. Voss. “More often it will try to force you inside a box. But I urge you not to listen.”

“Take up your own space, Bel. Don’t let other people tread over it.”

Everyone at this school has plans, and then they want me to have plans, and I’m just so overwhelmed by their good intentions that I constantly feel the need to lie down for a solid five minutes before trying again.

Why the fuck Bel is so relatable 😭🥺

I can see the tiny dusting of freckles around her eyes, like distant constellations.

When he notices your freckles>>>

“We all know the male ego is notoriously fragile. Even the cute ones are a lost cause,” she points out with a lamenting sip, reminding us that she does not like boys. (She’s just unfortunately attracted to them.)

Honestly? Physics is easy. What’s hard is feeling like I want to be invisible all the time.

GIRLL ME TOO

It’s really, really hard to recognize someone as the villain in someone else’s life when you’re pretty sure you love them both.

it’s a lot. Trying all the time—trying not to screw up—just makes me feel so tired. There’s all this pressure to plan for a future, you know? And like, what future?”

Teenage Ri and adult Ri can fucking relate to this 😭😭

I’m also not going to bring up how the most interesting thing that happens to me from day to day is my personal game of guessing her outfit.

Aww he's so cuteee

“Sometimes I think I’d rather be forty and wondering where my life went instead of seventeen and relentlessly hounded about my future,”

Lmao i love her 🤣😭 she's so mee

But I swear there must be something in the water, because his hair looks so soft and when he’s designing something he gets this kind of squinty, concentrate-y look on his face and he smells like clean laundry and summer and I hate it. I hate all of it.

That's how a great love story starts 🤭

“Like...you’re new, you know? You’re this new color I didn’t know existed and now I see it everywhere and I’m like, thank god I can see it now. Such a bummer if I never did.”

It’s probably really stupid how much it unravels me to look at her right then, but I’ve never seen eyes that make me think about the mysteries of the universe the way hers do. It’s like walking through the redwoods. Like feeling the earth beneath your feet while knowing there are things flying free above you, and things living and breathing below you, and for a moment you just feel connected to everything. Like there’s some sort of unstoppable tide of existence and you’re part of it, even for just a second.

CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTE CUTEEEE

I wish I could say I considered saying no. I wish I could say it mattered even a little bit what his question was, but it really never crossed my mind to choose anything but him.

I don’t tell her that actually, I think I’ve been starving for whatever this exact feeling is.

HOME ❤️‍🩹

“You’re such a nerd.” “Oh, I know. My mom tells me all the time, but apparently nerds are hot now.” “Yeah they are.”

Because I think about her all the time. Because she surprises me, because she makes me laugh, and because this, whatever it is with her, is the only thing I ever do that’s easy. Because wherever I am, I want her close by.

They are so cuteeeeeee 🥺💗🤌🏻💘

I should not be wasting my time on high school boys when I was clearly born to be some artist’s muse, which is a calling I will probably age into around my late twenties.

That's how you end up alone Bel 😭🤣

“Holi. It’s an Indian festival,” he explains. “Super fun. People throw colored powder and it gets everywhere and all the food is vegan, but still pretty good—”

Yeah until you look like a smurf 😭 and who the hell eats vegan food on holi 😭

“If you’re sure, I’m sure,” I say. “Is that a line from The Notebook?” he asks me. “Oh my god, shut u—” And then he pulls me in and kisses me.

I know time doesn’t actually stop or anything. I know the world doesn’t revolve around me, but for a second it’s totally cinematic, like we’re the stars of our own movie and all the people dancing around us are celebrating us the same way we are. The sun is high and the joy is sharp and everything is rich and saturated and glittering, technicolor and exhilarating, us and the universe connecting symphonically in that kiss.

Am i jealous of their first kiss 😭😭😭

I’ve always believed that there’s a possibility for everything in the world to collide for a single perfect moment, and that sometimes, if you’re lucky, you get to have one for yourself. This one is ours.

“You don’t have to make the world perfect just so people will love you,”

“Teo.” She crawls up my chest until we’re eye to eye, nose to nose. “I promise I’ll still like you, even if I ever have a problem you can’t fix,” she says, and since I don’t know what else to do, I lift my head and kiss her as intensely as I can.

They definitely don’t mean the version whose Spotify is currently paused on Taylor Swift’s entire discography so he can learn all the words that make her smile, even when she doesn’t want to. Especially then.

SHUTT UP HESS PERFECTTT

“And you don’t understand how hard it is to be a girl competing with boys who don’t even realize that they, unlike us, are perceived as more competent no matter what they do.”

My brothers are all pre-med, but I’ve been told every single day to act like a lady, to smile and be polite, to be pretty and dainty—and what boy ever has to hear that? Not once,”

This world is so much better without men

“Then it still wasn’t me, it was us,” I blurt out, half startling him. “I’m only good when I’m with you, Teo,” I say, and then, because it’s so pathetically true, I swallow hard. “I’m at my best when I’m with you.”

“Bel?” Teo calls after me. I turn. “Yeah?” “I miss you,” he mumbles into his pillow.

JUST BE TOGETHER YOU DUMBASS

The girls who get ahead are the ones who can let stuff like that just roll off their backs, but that’s not the easiest thing in the world to do. There’s a lot more kinds of strength than just being outwardly tough, and it’s a lot to ask of anyone to succeed when most people in the room are waiting to see you fail.

I think about how much I want them to succeed in life; to go far, as far as possible, until every girl who succeeds is like a beacon of light for all the others.

WOMENNN>>>

“Were you going to ask me to prom?” I ask her, fighting a laugh. “Well, I mean, as a practical matter...” She trails off, blushing furiously. “I mean come on, these are modern times, girls can ask boys—”

“I miss you,” I say, getting the whole thing out this time. “I miss you so much. I will absolutely go to prom with you, I’ll go anywhere with you—”

“Oh my god, shut up.” She bends her head and lets out a little sob-laugh. “Teo, Jesus. I miss you, too.” I look down at where she’s doubled over on my lap and don’t know what to do. “What are you laughi...

Even just the sound of her voice feels more like home than my parents’ gigantic mansion ever has.

Why is so perfect and fictionalb😭😭

“I think I’m in love with you,” I say, and when she freezes, so do I. I wasn’t expecting to say that, but at the same time, I know it’s true. “Sorry, you don’t have to say it back or anyth—” “I love you,” she says, and blinks. “Wow, I didn’t even have to think about that, did I?”

“It’s just, you know. Me.” She rolls her eyes. “Sure, Teo. Just you.”

“Hey. Bel.” I glance over at Teo, who winks at me. “See you on the other side.” “You’re the worst.” An easy shorthand for love you. “Yeah, yeah.” He smiles,

I know that win or lose, Teo Luna and I are made of a strong foundation. What he and I have together is the best thing we’ve ever built.

I LOVE THESE TWO IDIOTS

I finally know the secret: that you can stand up without standing alone.

THISS!!!!!