My Mechanical Romance

by Alexene Farol Follmuth

I’m also not going to bring up how the most interesting thing that happens to me from day to day is my personal game of guessing her outfit.

But I swear there must be something in the water, because his hair looks so soft and when he’s designing something he gets this kind of squinty, concentrate-y look on his face and he smells like clean laundry and summer and I hate it.

“Like...you’re new, you know? You’re this new color I didn’t know existed and now I see it everywhere and I’m like, thank god I can see it now. Such a bummer if I never did.”

It’s probably really stupid how much it unravels me to look at her right then, but I’ve never seen eyes that make me think about the mysteries of the universe the way hers do. It’s like walking through the redwoods. Like feeling the earth beneath your feet while knowing there are things flying free above you, and things living and breathing below you, and for a moment you just feel connected to everything. Like there’s some sort of unstoppable tide of existence and you’re part of it, even for just a second.

“Yeah, but do you like him?” Teo sets down the pliers he’s using and stares into space. “I don’t think he likes me,” he says.

don’t tell her that actually, I think I’ve been starving for whatever this exact feeling is.

Because I think about her all the time. Because she surprises me, because she makes me laugh, and because this, whatever it is with her, is the only thing I ever do that’s easy. Because wherever I am, I want her close by.

Luke or no Luke, I should have kissed her while I had the chance.

I should have kissed him while I had the chance.

They definitely don’t mean the version whose Spotify is currently paused on Taylor Swift’s entire discography so he can learn all the words that make her smile, even when she doesn’t want to. Especially then.

“Bel?” Teo calls after me. I turn. “Yeah?” “I miss you,” he mumbles into his pillow.

Before you, I felt like I was drowning.”

“Before you, nobody in my life was really trying to see what I actually was, good or bad.