The Men We Need: God’s Purpose for the Manly Man, the Avid Indoorsman, or Any Man Willing to Show Up (Christian Book on Masculinity & Gift Idea for Father's Day or Graduation Gift for Guys)

by Brant Hansen

I’m here to answer a simple (but not simplistic) question: What are men supposed to actually do? This book is about a big vision for manhood.

We’ve lacked that vision, and all of us—men, women, and children—are hurting because of it. The vision is this: We men are at our best when we are “keepers of the garden.” This means we are protectors and defenders and cultivators. We are at our best when we champion the weak and vulnerable. We are at our best when we use whatever strength we have to safeguard the innocent and provide a place for people to thrive. This is the job Adam was given: keeper of the garden.

What women want from men, I believe, is a signpost pointing us to something we’ve all wanted: purpose. What they want from us resonates entirely with the original work given the original man in the Bible’s account of the garden of Eden.

Adam left his post, and the world has been suffering ever since. It is yearning for men who show up. All kinds of men, in all walks of life, who know who they are and why they are here . . . and don’t leave. Men who don’t go AWOL from real life. The world needs men to show up.

Masculinity is about taking responsibility. We naturally respect men who take responsibility for themselves. We have even more respect for those who go beyond themselves to their families. And we have immense respect for men who take responsibility for those well outside their own homes. We are “masculine” not to the extent that we body-build or achieve sexual conquests or fix stuff, but to the extent that we are faithful to the job of being humble, consistent, dedicated keepers of the garden.

There are real humans outside your window who will suffer because you aren’t who we need you to be.

In our affluent Western culture, growing up for many of us is weirdly optional. Historically, men have had no choice but to grow up. They had to work to eat. They had to defend themselves, their families, and their communities. But most of us here and now can choose the life of an entertainment consumer, just moving from one experience to the next. And then we’re shocked at the prevailing sense of meaninglessness.

Decision One Forsake the Fake and Relish the Real

The enemy—a swindler from the beginning—has a plan: Isolate us. He won’t advertise it that way. Isolation never seems to be the goal, but it’s always the end result. And then there’s Jesus, who “is before all things, and in him all things hold together,” Paul writes in Colossians 1:17. God’s plan is for things to come together, under his authority. Real life leads us toward each other, not away.

My sin isn’t sin because it’s on a random list of activities that God just doesn’t happen to like. My sin is sin because it stops me from being who I’m supposed to be and what I could have been. It’s a shortcut that leads away from the kingdom of God, where I can flourish, to a different kingdom—the kingdom of me.

Decision Two Protect the Vulnerable

The people in your neighborhood, at your school, or at your workplace should be safer because you’re there. Even if they don’t know it. Just because you’re in the mix, they’re better off. If the world around us is our garden and we’re faithful to keep it, then kids, older folks, and other vulnerable people around us are safer.

Think about it: The mice had everything they could want. All the space they needed, all the food and water, and no threats. But maybe that was the problem. The male mice didn’t have to do anything. They didn’t have to find new food sources. They didn’t have to defend their territory. They didn’t have to protect anything. And it wasn’t just Universe 25 that went so wrong. Calhoun had done previous studies and found the same thing. He called it “behavioral sink,” when the mice just stopped doing what they were designed to do. In a previous experiment, the mouse universe he set up had space for five thousand mice. The population in that one crested at two hundred before becoming a mouse ghost town.1

Remember, if we are focused on our keeper-of-the-garden purpose, we’re a source of life for those around us. We stay more energized. We pay attention. We are engaged. We become encouragers. Vulnerable people feel safe around us, while people with evil motives suspect we’re dangerous. Chaos and apathy may rule outside our spheres of influence, but within them, we’re still faithful and awake. While seemingly everyone else might be losing the melody of life, we’ll be the ones who can still sing it.

I love what Gandalf says to Denethor (author goal: include LOTR reference in every chapter) late in The Lord of the Rings, when things are especially dark: The rule of no realm is mine, neither of Gondor nor any other, great or small. But all worthy things that are in peril as the world now stands, those are my care. And for my part, I shall not wholly fail of my task, though Gondor should perish, if anything passes through this night that can still grow fair or bear fruit and flower again in days to come. For I also am a steward. Did you not know?2

If you don’t do something, don’t just assume it will get done. Your life is deeply meaningful, one way or another. Your efforts matter. Your work matters. You’re the only one uniquely placed in your position in the world. No one else is in your exact context. If someone needs encouragement and you don’t provide it, it’s quite possible they will not be encouraged. If someone needs their existence acknowledged and you are in a position to do that but take a pass, it’s possible no one will acknowledge it. Yes, God wants it done, and yes, he has the power to do it. That’s why he put you there.

If I’m right (and I totally am) that true masculinity is rooted in our unique role as keepers of our personal gardens and that we are to protect and defend and help the vulnerable, then there’s a flip side. Becoming a threat to those vulnerable people . . . is treason. And so is passivity in the presence of threats to them.

I’m writing this to underscore how often it is that we become the enemy in the garden. Instead of watching over our garden and the precious people within it, we become the invader. We’re the museum security guard who was trained and trusted to guard precious artifacts but is now smashing them on the floor.

Decision Three Be Ambitious about the Right Things

Mark this down: You will struggle with feeling meaningless when you choose to invest your time and energy in meaningless things.

We are created to add value to things. When we are at our best, that’s exactly what we’re doing. We’re making things, we’re changing things, and we’re improving conditions and situations for the people around us—those for whom we take responsibility.

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. (Col. 3:23–24)

One of the most freeing, countercultural things you can say is, “Wow, that’s awesome. And I don’t have to have it.”

You can face defeat with style and grace when you’re a secure person. It’s that simple. And winners who aren’t secure are sooner or later seen as bitter or pathetic. Take it from me. You can win at losing. You can do your best, all the while realizing your actual value isn’t at stake in the least.

Those of us in the modern West are used to being consumers. That means constantly evaluating our ever-expanding options and always looking for upgrades. It’s a way of life. But always keeping our options open is a disastrous way to live when it comes to the things that matter, like relationships. It’s good to decide. Of course, “decide” is a very final word, and a lot of us try to avoid decision making. Decide literally means “to cut off” and comes from the same root word as “incisors” or “scissors.” Commitment means closing certain doors in favor of opening a better one. It means embracing our limits, acknowledging that we can’t be everywhere, do everything, or be with everybody at once. If we don’t make decisions, if we don’t embrace our limits, we will achieve nothing. It’s simple.

Decision Four Make Women and Children Feel Safe, Not Threatened

Stay silent when needed, but never passive. Actively decide to wield your words carefully. Wield them to always defend and never wound the vulnerable people around you.

You’re not charged with getting your kids a lucrative career. You are charged with shaping their character. The security they need right now isn’t financial security. It’s I-know-my-dad-and-he-knows-me security.

Decision Five Choose Today Who You Will Become Tomorrow

Who we become is a direct result of what we pay attention to.

Choose the people around you, the people closest to you, wisely. You’ll become like them. Their thinking will shape yours. They will help you order—or disorder—your values and desires. They will affect your attitude toward life itself. Do not underestimate this. They will change who you become. We need men with wisdom. In fact, we’re desperate for them.

“Line up a hundred men. Watch them closely for a week,” psychologist Larry Crabb writes. “Seventy or 80 will be ruled by a passion called neediness. Something inside them needs attention.”1

Do you know who you are? You’re valued by the Creator of the universe. He values you and loves you so much, he wants to change you. He wants you to become the rare, remarkable man who’s life-giving to others.

The Greek philosopher Heraclitus said this about 2,500 years ago, and he nailed it: “No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.”2

Part of God’s love for you is his commitment to your freedom. It’s clear throughout Scripture that he wants very much to enjoy you and for you to enjoy him. But that’s up to you. Of course, freedom is scary because it means that not only are we capable of choosing to do immense good, of bringing immense healing, but we’re also capable of causing immense damage.

Decision Six Take Responsibility for Your Own Spiritual Life

To my great relief, I have realized over time that God really wants one thing from us, and here it is, so gird yourself: Loyalty. A believing, trusting loyalty. And it’s loyalty to him specifically. Loyalty through everything. No matter what.

For some reason, a self-controlled person is considered boring. And maybe they are, as long as by “boring” we mean successful, influential, respected, and admired. Very few people who become those things do so without a great degree of self-control, at least in the areas in which they’ve become respected or successful.