Don't Text Your Ex Happy Birthday: And Other Advice on Love, Sex, and Dating

by Nick Viall

Messy is one thing, but let’s pay more attention to how someone treats you and how they communicate and how they deal with disappointment. That deserves more weight than how good they are at folding laundry.

You literally don’t know that you can love someone else when you’re at that stage in your life—you’ve never even felt love before this. So you don’t know if you’ll ever feel that kind of love again.

say, “I just haven’t found anyone worthy of my time.”

I spent a lot of time thinking about what that meant and how many of my choices, especially when it came to that specific heartbreak, weren’t about my feelings toward her or the relationship, but what this breakup or being cheated on said about me —and also what other people would think about me.

was thinking those exact thoughts, and then I had this realization: Wait, why am I embarrassed about this? What did I do?

With many relationship decisions, we’re thinking about what society is going to think about us, or what people are going to say about us. That’s ego, and ego can lead us to bad decisions.

“Ghosting” was originally used to describe a situation where someone totally peaced out on you—someone you had some kind of a relationship with, maybe even two or three dates.

If one person’s questions are more specific off the bat, then that’s a clear sign that a topic is a high priority to them.

Chemistry is a part of falling in love, but it’s just one of many factors. It is also something that can grow over time as you start building an emotional connection.

So don’t start with a question, and don’t compromise.

Bottom line: Being in love, no matter how slow or fast you feel it, doesn’t mean you stop learning about each other. There are always things that will come up that could change your point of view. Keep learning, keep asking questions.

Remember, moving in together is about advancing the relationship. That should be the only purpose and the only goal.

Gratitude is feeling thankful for what someone has given you when they are expecting nothing in return.

You want to appreciate someone for who they are, but that doesn’t mean they get to be an asshole to you. It doesn’t mean you get to be an asshole to them when they’re not their best self. It doesn’t mean you get to ridicule them. It doesn’t mean you get to belittle them. It’s about having patience with them, accepting their faults, not needing to change every little thing about them or make sure they’re perfect.