You & Me

by Tal Bauer

“Who do you want to be?” Myself. I wanted to be me, but I wasn’t sure who that was anymore.

Not that life, in and of itself, was a bad thing. I liked the quiet moments. I didn’t want to go skydiving or thrill seeking. I wanted the stability, the certainty, of routine. I wanted the happy home. But I wanted that home to be infused with love, rich with love, so that all the ordinary moments were made wonderful because I shared them with someone special.

“I can see your dedication in the lines of your face. Your work ethic in the cut of your jaw. I know you love life when I see you smile, and even when you’re not smiling, the laugh lines show you’d rather be. I know you’re a father when I look into your eyes, and I know you’re a good one when I see those eyes are kind. When you’re you, you light up, and all these different parts of you combine, and everything that you are bursts free. You’re like color exploding in a black-and-white world.”

I craved a man to love, and I yearned for a man to love me in return. I wanted so badly for the love of my life to be my wife, but she wasn’t. The love of my life was a man I didn’t know. I dreamed about him every night. All I wanted was to find him, this guy of my dreams that I was supposed to be with.

“Sometimes it’s not as simple as falling in love. Sometimes love can’t overcome reality.”

“You are the gradations of undiscovered colors in my soul. You are the inhale before my blank canvas, the moment before my pencil touches the page. You are the manifestation of my dreams. You are my intensity.”

You saw me, all of me, and you loved what you saw. Inside and out.

“You’re the man I dreamed about all those years ago when I was struggling to find myself. You’re him. You’re

the man I’ve been searching for my whole life.”

You and me, Landon.

Riley, I wish you could have seen this. Our son is so fucking perfect. I wish you were here to see him, too.