You & Me

by Tal Bauer

“You’re classically handsome. You have the face that all men want,” I said, grinning at him. “But there’s so much more to you. Your looks would be empty on anyone else. It’s who you are that fills everything in.”

“I can see your dedication in the lines of your face. Your work ethic in the cut of your jaw. I know you love life when I see you smile, and even when you’re not smiling, the laugh lines show you’d rather be. I know you’re a father when I look into your eyes, and I know you’re a good one when I see those eyes are kind. When you’re you, you light up, and all these different parts of you combine, and everything that you are bursts free. You’re like color exploding in a black-and-white world.”

Landon tipped his head sideways, laying his cheek against his bicep, and laughed. God, I loved that sound.

We were so close. I could see the shift and twist of candlelight on his skin, where the shadows and glow played peekaboo in the hollow of his throat. I could feel his breath ghosting against my face, smell the traces of his cologne. It was clean and bright, just like him. Beneath that, there was something warmer, richer. Something that was all Landon. That flush was back on his skin, dusting his cheeks and dipping beneath his collar. I was close enough to count his eyelashes and name every shade that flickered inside of his irises. If I tipped my head, our cheeks would brush. If he uncurled his arm, he could lay his fingers against my neck.

“God, Luke, I want to be with you so badly it’s killing me!” His palm slapped the countertop. Anguish crackled from him. He gritted his teeth, looked at me with such hunger, such yearning, that my heart stopped. “I dream about you every night! I dream about the life we could have! Every day for the rest of our lives, together. I want that, damn it!”

“I’m not going to change my mind. When I wake up, I’ll still want you, and I’ll still be falling for you.”

“Impossible. I already know I’m going to find you. You’re a part of me somehow. I can feel it.” We were moving closer, closer. My forehead dug into his. We were sharing breaths, sharing words. “You are the gradations of undiscovered colors in my soul. You are the inhale before my blank canvas, the moment before my pencil touches the page. You are the manifestation of my dreams. You are my intensity.”

“It looks like you painted it with all of your joy.”

“I want to wake up beside you and prove to you that I’m still falling for you. When you wake up, I want the first thing you see to be me, telling you I still want you and me. Us.”

“I’m still falling for you.”

When I climbed into bed, I pulled Landon’s photo up and propped it beside me so I could stare into his eyes as I fell asleep.

We fit so perfectly together, our bodies, our minds, our hearts. Maybe even our lives, if we could figure everything out. His muscled arms and chest wrapped around me and secured me to him, and I braced my elbows on the cushion on either side of his head as I kissed my way back to his lips.

“Luke.” He whispered my name and kissed my palm. He hesitated before he spoke again, as if he was pulling a secret out of himself, putting words together he’d never spoken aloud. “I think,” he began, “you’re the man I was dreaming about.” Another kiss, folded into my hand. “You’re the man I dreamed about all those years ago when I was struggling to find myself. You’re him. You’re the man I’ve been searching for my whole life.”