For the Love of Layla

by Callie Moss

I don’t have to be an excellent shot for what I have in mind. I just need to shock him, make him slip up. All I want is to rip that control he wields to shreds.

I hate myself. I hate myself more than I hate you.

My hand shakes as I reach around the back of my head, whimpering as my fingers find it damp with blood. He hurt me, he really hurt me. I’m hurt, and it’s hard to drive, but I can’t stop. I won’t, not for anything.

My heart drums in my chest as I slam my car into park in the front of the police station, not bothering to park it properly. My knuckles are white with how hard I’m gripping the steering wheel, screaming from the damage I did to them yesterday. I can’t, I can’t fucking breathe.

They have to believe me, they have to make this fucking stop. It doesn’t matter how good he makes me feel or how fucking confused I am. This person, this man, has ruined me. Ruined my fucking life!

They have to believe me.

I don’t want to clean up. I don’t want anyone to wipe the blood from my legs, the dirt, or clean my wounds. This is my truth. The evidence that he’s real. My only evidence.

I don’t want him to see me like this. Either of them. Maybe I should stay.

I need Liam. I’ve always needed Liam.

My little love. Mine.

When this is all said and done, please know it was done from love. Every moment has been because I cannot and will not live without you.

The lie tastes like battery acid in my mouth. I will never let it go. I’d kill dozens for less for you. Nobody hurts you, Layla. Nobody but me.

“I would do anything for you, you know that, right?” Even the things you don’t want. The ugly nasty things only I know you need.

This is the last time, one final white lie before I bare my soul to her. Revealing every dirty trick I used to earn her love again. Her attention.

For a cop, he isn’t very liberal with what he shares on his social media. Geo tagging his own address multiple times like a fucking idiot.

The best lies are mixed with a little truth.

“Open the door, little love, please. I know you’re hurting, you don’t have to. It’s hurting me too. God, I love you, baby, I just want you. That’s it. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. You didn’t need me anymore, Layla. I made you need me.”

I’m not scared for me, I’m scared for him. For the broken man on the other side of the door. The man that needs me, the little boy that felt all alone.

This isn’t okay. It’s so fucking far from okay. It's horrible and fucked and I need him just as much as he needs me.

“I’ve spent my whole life hiding that part of me, the part that… fixates. You changed all of that the moment I saw you, I didn’t want to hide anymore. I just wanted you to see me, Layla.”

Nothing in me wants to fight this, fight him despite all the terrible things he’s done. He did it all for you.

Can he love me? Truly love me after the things he’s put me through? He enjoyed every rip in my heart, every single time I begged him to stop. He liked it. Didn’t you?

“I’ll prove how deep my love for you goes. Everything I’m willing to do for you, to keep you here with me, safe. There’s no line I won’t cross, I’ll make you see that. It’s all for you. It’s always been you.”

It’s pointless, I know that. Why can’t I stop screaming? My grandpa’s words play over in my head, never let them go. I don’t think he meant my psychotic ex-boyfriend, but it doesn’t change a thing. I’ve found that person.

There is no you without me, Layla. I told you that. I would have never let you live if I planned to die.”