The Art of Letting GO: How to Let Go of the Past, Look Forward to the Future, and Finally Enjoy the Emotional Freedom You Deserve! (The Art Of Living Well Book 2)

by Damon Zahariades

Too often, however, we cling emotionally to our past circumstances. We refuse to move on because we feel we can effect change that allows us to reclaim them. This is the bargaining stage of grief. It’s natural, but also detrimental to our ability to move forward. It gives us a fallacious sense of control. Letting go begins with accepting our new circumstances. Rather than clinging to a past we desperately want to reclaim, we embrace reality. We commit to no longer dwell on the past. We detach ourself from circumstances over which we have minimal influence.

The proper way to let go involves recognizing our negative thoughts and emotions, determining why we’re experiencing them, and moving from the denial and bargaining stages to the acceptance stage of grief. Two important things happen during this process. First, we develop emotional resilience. We learn to manage our emotions rather than suppress and avoid them.

Second, we adopt a mindset of non-attachment to the past. We acknowledge our feelings, investigate them, and ultimately give ourself permission to let them go, accepting our new circumstances. We recognize that attachment to the past is unhealthy, and resolve our emotional discomfort rather than simply pushing it away.

When we let go of the past, we give ourself permission to no longer focus on pleasing others. Instead, we can focus on making decisions that prioritize our own needs and make the best use of the resources at our disposal.

Feelings of regret stem from choices we believe we made poorly. For example, we married the wrong person, purchased a house in a bad location, or picked the wrong major in college. We hold on to these regrets because we believe that our life would be markedly better if only we had made different decisions.

And we become more receptive to the possibility that we may be wrong. This, of course, helps us to grow.

The sunk cost fallacy is most dangerous when we have invested a lot of time, money, energy, or love in something. This investment becomes a reason to carry on, even if we are dealing with a lost cause.

Letting go of the past is only possible if we manage to break this habit of self-reproach. In order to move on, we must find a way to undermine our inner critic, short-circuiting its dubious and emotionally harmful accusations.

We become fixated on things that “should have been” rather than accepting the present, surrendering what we can’t control, and moving on. With this unhealthy, self-punishing attitude in place, letting go becomes impossible.

As long as we cling to the fantasy, we prevent ourself from coming to terms with our real self. We forego the opportunity to reconcile our current circumstances and let go of our painful memories, dashed expectations, and disappointments regarding what we believe should have been.