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October 3 - October 4, 2023
Once we decouple ourself from the frustrations, regrets, and painful memories that burden us, we experience emotional freedom. It manifests in our behaviors, decisions, and level of self-awareness. It shows in our relationships with loved ones, friends, neighbors, and coworkers. It reveals itself in the quality of our work and the satisfaction we feel from having completed the work. Once we let go of our bleak, defeatist headspace, it can no longer hold us back. Letting it go releases us to focus on the important things that truly matter to us.
They’re usually deeply rooted in these five areas of life:
Too often, however, we cling emotionally to our past circumstances. We refuse to move on because we feel we can effect change that allows us to reclaim them.
Letting go begins with accepting our new circumstances. Rather than clinging to a past we desperately want to reclaim, we embrace reality. We commit to no longer dwell on the past. We detach ourself from circumstances over which we have minimal influence.
The proper way to let go involves recognizing our negative thoughts and emotions, determining why we’re experiencing them, and moving from the denial and bargaining stages to the acceptance stage of grief.
First, we develop emotional resilience. We learn to manage our emotions rather than suppress and avoid them. Second, we adopt a mindset of non-attachment to the past. We acknowledge our feelings, investigate them, and ultimately give ourself permission to let them go, accepting our new circumstances. We recognize that attachment to the past is unhealthy, and resolve our emotional discomfort rather than simply pushing it away.
You feel perpetually frustrated The frustration may not be overt. It might be an undercurrent that bubbles just beneath the surface of your public guise throughout your day. This feeling usually stems from a sense of helplessness. You feel unable to change the circumstances that trouble you. It can give rise to a host of other upsetting feelings, such as guilt, anxiety, and sadness.
You continue to rationalize a decision or action despite evidence showing it was unwise
In reality, it often stems from stress, anxiety, and regret over a past circumstance that we’re holding on to.
If you cannot recall the last time you were happy, you may be clinging to a painful memory, deeply-felt loss, or regrettable and consequential decision made with false expectations.
It’s difficult to enjoy healthy relationships when we obsess over painful memories. The obsession hampers our ability to appreciate ourself. Moreover, it prevents us from truly appreciating others.
When we let go of the past, we give ourself permission to no longer focus on pleasing others. Instead, we can focus on making decisions that prioritize our own needs and make the best use of the resources at our disposal.
The more we fixate on our regrettable decisions and actions, the more fearful we become about repeating them.
This benefits us as changes in our circumstances are often the precursor to personal growth and happiness.
When we’re preoccupied by our own pain, loss, and regret, we’re unable to fully empathize with others’ pain, loss, and regret.
We become more able to appreciate their perspectives and understand their feelings.
When we let go of the past, we give ourself the freedom to recognize ourself as being in control of our personal happiness. We accept that we don’t need to rely on others to feel positive about ourself and our circumstances.
It’s natural to feel attached to broken relationships, at least for awhile.
Toxic relationships seem like they should be easy to let go. After all, they cause us stress and anxiety, and there’s a marked absence of respect and trust.
Jealousy springs from feelings of insecurity and envy. We feel insecure about the possibility of losing something we currently enjoy in our life. Or we envy others’ good fortune.
We tend to internalize our failures. Failed relationships, business ventures, investments, competitions, tests, and interviews stay with us.
When we fixate on others’ perceptions of us, we implicitly allow them to make our decisions for us. Our life is no longer our own. And our emotional health becomes dependent on what others think of us.
We feel angry when we’re mistreated, threatened, ridiculed, invalidated, or shown contempt. While our anger may be justified, it’s exhausting to hold on to. It takes a lot of energy to remain angry.
Many opinions are beneficial to us. Some provide useful and constructive feedback. Others offer insight we would otherwise overlook. These points of view can improve our performance, boost our creativity, and help us to recognize personal deficits and situational roadblocks.
The obsession to be perfect can stem from a variety of sources. For example, some of us fixate on it as a way to maintain control in the face of uncertainty.
Once something happens to us, it becomes a part of our past. We cannot change the fact that it happened.
The fear of failure often springs from the same reasons as the pursuit of perfectionism. We entertain this fear because we don’t want to let others down. We want to avoid feelings of shame and embarrassment.
All of us have opinions, and all of us believe we arrived at these opinions through a well-reasoned thought process.
Problems arise when we allow ourself to become agitated by others’ opinions. It’s not enough that we feel we’re right; we must convince other people that we’re right.
For example, a failed job interview turns into “I’ll never get a job in this industry.” A failed relationship causes us to think “I’ll be alone for the rest of my life.” A child who misses a curfew prompts a catastrophizing parent to fear “My child must have been terribly injured in a traffic accident.”
We feel we lack control and influence, and are therefore incapable of resolving issues. So every issue becomes a potential catastrophe, triggering our worst fears.
If a past incident, failed relationship, regrettable decision, or personal grudge bothers us to the point that we obsess over it, our fixation means we consider it important.
And so our mind begins to resist. Rather than embrace change, we try to repel it. We prefer the status quo, even if the status quo is a state of misery for us. We’re familiar with this state.
The good news is, once we’re able to free ourself from the sunk cost fallacy, it becomes much easier to let things go. We no longer feel beholden to our investment.
But too often, we focus on negativity without purpose.
It’s counterintuitive, to be sure. Why would any of us choose to fixate on anger, sadness, and fear when we instinctively enjoy feeling calm, happy, and secure?
Whatever the reason (or reasons) for this fixation, it impedes our ability to let go and move on. When
Second, we need to determine whether we’re ready to commit to letting go of this burden. Here, we need motivation to spur our commitment. Let’s ask ourself “How will my life improve once I’m free of this painful memory, regret, or frustration?”
Third, we must identify the potential reasons our mind might resist letting go of this emotional albatross.
Fourth, we must recognize that the decision to let go is ultimately ours to make.
