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December 31, 2022 - February 5, 2023
There’s an important difference between giving up and letting go.”
Too often, however, we cling emotionally to our past circumstances. We refuse to move on because
we feel we can effect change that allows us to reclaim them. This is the bargaining stage of grief.
accepting our new circumstances.
The proper way to let go involves recognizing our negative thoughts and emotions, determining why we’re experiencing them, and moving from the denial and bargaining stages to the acceptance
stage of grief.
We recognize that attachment to the past is unhealthy,
If we truly wish to let go of painful memories, regrets, frustrations, and general unhappiness, we must confront these feelings head on.
If we fail to confront them, we are unable to properly manage them.
include a relationship that has deteriorated,
an incident that causes us to feel victimized,
Emotional exhaustion occurs slowly. And because of its gradual escalation, it often goes unnoticed and therefore unmanaged.
it often stems from stress, anxiety, and regret over a past circumstance that we’re holding on to.
It’s difficult to enjoy healthy relationships when we obsess over painful memories.
Moreover, it prevents us from truly appreciating others.
When we let go of the past, we give ourself permission to no longer focus on pleasing others. Instead, we can focus on making decisions that prioritize our own needs and make the best use of the resources at our disposal.
This fear can build to the point that we become unable to make even small decisions or take small steps forward.
When we stop obsessing over our past mistakes, we can begin to reasonably evaluate their consequences. In most cases, these consequences are far less significant than we had imagined. Recognizing this fact emboldens us to take action in the future.
Fixating on the past prevents us from enjoying the present.
When we’re preoccupied by our own pain, loss, and regret, we’re unable to fully empathize with others’ pain, loss, and regret. The more we obsess over our own pain, the less we can understand and sympathize with the pain of our friends, loved ones, and coworkers.
We begin to look externally for even a modicum of happiness. We can even become dependent on others to fuel our interests, reinforce our self-esteem, and provide mental stimulation.
We accept that we don’t need to rely on others to feel positive about ourself and our circumstances.
our emotional suffering seems like it must remain a solitary affair.
Failed relationships are difficult to get over, even if we try to convince ourself otherwise. We naturally mull over them and scrutinize the reasons they broke down. We often blame ourself, even if we did everything possible to save them. It’s natural to feel attached to broken relationships, at least for awhile. But eventually, we must find a way to let them go in order to move on with our life.
The partners become emotionally dependent on one another, encouraging each other to stay despite their mutual misery.
It’s impossible to experience emotional freedom while mired in toxic relationships. The longer we tolerate them, the longer we rob ourself of the opportunity to find healthier relationships and the happiness that accompanies them.
We agonize over things we could have done differently to produce better results.
We hold on to these regrets because we believe that our life would be markedly better if only we had made different decisions.
They cause us to doubt our competency, negatively impacting our self-esteem.
When we fixate on others’ perceptions of us, we implicitly allow them to make our decisions for us. Our life is no longer our own. And our emotional health becomes dependent on what others think of us.
We want to be in the driver’s seat. We like to believe that we’re the author of our circumstances. Exerting control gives us confidence that outcomes are a result of our influence.
We hold on to shame when we avoid dealing with it. We avoid confronting the reasons we feel ashamed, and therefore never take the time to forgive ourself.
But it’s possible to become so reliant on others’ opinions that we become unable to act on our own. Immobilized by fear, we seek validation from others for every decision and action.
When we let go of others’ opinions, we begin to experience greater confidence in our own efficacy. We also enjoy the satisfaction and happiness that accompanies self-validation.
Others pursue it as a means to avoid criticism, blame, and judgment from other people.
Whatever its origin, perfectionism always leads to our dissatisfaction. If we believe that being perfect is the only way we’ll be happy, we guarantee our perpetual unhappiness.
When we stop trying to be perfect, we experience less anxiety, enjoy more creativity, and become more inclined to take purposeful, calculated risks. And importantly, we free ourself from the
emotional burden of constantly striving for o...
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we don’t want to let others down. We want to avoid feelings of shame and embarrassment. We don’t want our friends, loved ones, and coworkers to think poorly of us.
this fear immobilizes us.
Letting go of our need to convince others that we’re right
Catastrophic thinking stems from a feeling of helplessness.
There are numerous reasons why we resist letting go of the thoughts, emotions, and memories that cause us emotional stress.
We often hold on to negative emotions and unpleasant memories because we dread the possibility that we’ll miss out on potential positive experiences associated with them.
For example, we cling emotionally to a failed relationship, refusing to let it go because we hope to somehow salvage it.
We fear moving on. We fear missing a chance to experience something good. We fear losing out on something that might happen.
Or we stay in a toxic relationship because we’ve invested years of our life and all of our emotional energy in it.