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He has that expression on his face again. The one I can’t place. The one that makes my chest feel all light and strange. He’s smiling… but it’s somehow more. It feels important, but I don’t know why. I just know I can’t look away.
“Isn’t it obvious?” He cocks his head. “He wasn’t just terrified I’d hurt him for it, Will…” My vision blurs. “...he was terrified I’d hurt you.”
See, Will, see. See this heart in my chest. See how it flies for you.
“Well too fucking bad,” I murmur. “You are loved. And I’m not better off without you.” He sucks in a shaky breath. Slowly, I take a step back, then another. His shirt pulling until I have no choice but to let go. “And I’d rather feel this burden of knowing and loving you than go even a second without you existing somewhere on this planet.”
I didn’t realize how empty I feel without the weight of him crushing me.
“You’re so fucking gorgeous, City Boy. Sorry it took me so long to tell you.”
Shawn mutters a curse, then says, “Why are you like this?” I tip my head his way and smile sweetly. “What? Amazing? It’s the whole shitty childhood thing. It really agrees with me.”
I’ll do whatever it takes to prove I’m not going anywhere. Prove he’s not a whim or a fix or any-fucking-thing else in between. He’s the beat of my fucking heart. And that? That’s everything.
“That’s my burden, okay?” Exhaustion weighs down every word. “My burden is loving you, but not letting myself have you, because I’m fucking petrified nothing will ever be enough to keep you. And I can’t live with that. I literally cannot live with the idea of losing you, Waylon. So there you fucking have it. I’m not just scared, I’m petrified. Happy?”
“You didn’t make anything worse, Will,” I tell him after a long, quiet moment. “You woke me up, that’s all. You brought me back to life.”
“I told you,” he says deeply. “So long as I have the will to live…” I swallow hard, fingers digging into his skin, and I murmur against his lips. “There’ll always be a way.”
She pulls back, cupping my cheeks, her eyes dropping to each of my cheeks where her thumbs rest. “Ah.” She cuts a dry look at her son. “I see now.” I make a face, and cut a questioning look at Will from the corner of my eyes. “Just like that Harry guy you used to be obsessed with. From that boy band… something, something Direction.” My eyes fly open at the same time he barks, “Mom!”
“One day, I’m gonna hold your hand in public, and not feel like I’m dying when I do it.”
“It’s not your job to love who brought you into this world unconditionally. It’s the other way around. You don’t owe me anything.”
