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I’ll do whatever it takes to prove I’m not going anywhere. Prove he’s not a whim or a fix or any-fucking-thing else in between. He’s the beat of my fucking heart. And that? That’s everything.
“That’s my burden, okay?” Exhaustion weighs down every word. “My burden is loving you, but not letting myself have you, because I’m fucking petrified nothing will ever be enough to keep you. And I can’t live with that. I literally cannot live with the idea of losing you, Waylon. So there you fucking have it. I’m not just scared, I’m petrified. Happy?”
Catching feelings for a straight guy is hard enough. Catching feelings for your dead sister’s straight boyfriend… Well, that’s just fucking tragic.
“You didn’t make anything worse, Will,” I tell him after a long, quiet moment. “You woke me up, that’s all. You brought me back to life.”
Okay, so yeah, as it all turns out, I am that petty. Because with just three simple words, all my reasons for pulling away and keeping him at arm’s length suddenly seem oh so stupid.
“They did what parents are supposed to. They protected you. That’s all I ever wanted, okay?” I say my voice cracking as I gaze deeply into his watery eyes. “I begged him to leave you alone. I hurt you. I did everything I fucking could, and it almost wasn’t enough. If they didn’t take you away, it wouldn’t have been enough.”
“Yes,” he says with so much steely conviction, I feel the word go straight to my dick. “You’re my boyfriend. Fuckin’ deal with it.”
“One day, I’m gonna hold your hand in public, and not feel like I’m dying when I do it.”
“It’s not your job to love who brought you into this world unconditionally. It’s the other way around. You don’t owe me anything.”
Who decided it was a crime for boys to fucking feel? Who decided we can’t be soft too?
No, we’re not lost, I think, smiling against his cheek. Not anymore… But found.
Way and Will, Will and Way… Two halves of a fucking whole. Always.
As I let the ocean carry me away. Once and for always.
