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“Whatever makes you happy.” “Have you noticed the inequality?” he asked, and his voice turned accusing. “Because I certainly have.” “What inequality?” His eyes narrowed. “Everyone else is able to get away with giving you things. Everyone but me. I would have loved to get you a graduation present, but I didn’t. I knew it would have upset you more than if anyone else did. That’s utterly unfair. How do you explain yourself?”
“So the prime candidates for his father are Quil Ateara Sr., Joshua Uley, or Billy Black, all of them married at that point, of course.”
There were some things that had changed. For instance, I was ready.
Chill
“So you can ask for any stupid, ridiculous thing you want—like getting married—but I’m not allowed to even discuss what I—”
“Bella, I could kill you,” he whispered. “I don’t think you could.”
“Isabella Swan?” He looked up at me through his impossibly long lashes, his golden eyes soft but, somehow, still scorching. “I promise to love you forever—every single day of forever. Will you marry me?”
“I really couldn’t say, Jake. Edward is the only person I’ve ever kissed.” “Besides me.” “But I don’t count that as a kiss, Jacob. I think of it more as an assault.”
Tru
“I did apologize about that,” he reminded me. “And I forgave you… mostly. It doesn’t change the way I remember it.”
I think it’s easier for you to be near me when I’m not human, because you don’t have to pretend that you’re not attracted to me.”
“If something I said upset you, you know I was only kidding. I didn’t mean anything—hey, are you okay? Don’t cry, Bella,” he pled.
Bye
“Chief Jacob,” I whispered, smiling at the way the words sounded together.
“You said she needed a space heater, and here I am.” Jacob held his arms as wide as the tent allowed.
Instead, he crawled to my side and started unzipping my sleeping bag.
“Get your hand off of me,” he growled through his teeth. “Keep your hands off of her,” Edward answered blackly. “D-d-d-don’t f-f-f-f-fight,” I pleaded.
Lol
“Don’t be stupid,” he said, exasperated. “Don’t you like having ten toes?”
“You’ll be warm in a minute. Of course, you’d warm up faster if you took your clothes off.”
Ur crazy jacob
“Your lips are still blue,” he mused. “Want me to warm those up for you, too? You only have to ask.”
“Perfect. Now you can keep an eye on everything else, while I take care of your girlfriend for you.”
“You mean, ‘as much as I’d love to kill you, I’m glad she’s warm,’ right?” “It’s an uncomfortable truce, isn’t it?”
“give me a year, bl—Edward. I really think I could make her happy.
“Some help?” I asked quietly. Edward smiled. “Did you want me to take his arms all the way off?”
“It wasn’t the worst night of my life.” “Did it make the top ten?” Jacob asked with perverse enjoyment. “Possibly.”
The howl tore through my mind like a tornado, both strange and familiar. Strange because I’d never heard such a tortured cry before.
The howl choked off into a peculiar gurgled sob, and then it was quiet again.
“Do you think I care whether it’s fair or whether he was adequately warned? I’m hurting him. Every time I turn around, I’m hurting him again.” My voice was getting louder, more hysterical. “I’m a hideous person.”
Jeez
“I’m sorry, Bella,” he whispered. “I’m sorry I did that.” “You didn’t do anything. It’s my fault. I did this. I did everything wrong. I could have… When he… I shouldn’t have… I… I…” I was sobbing.
Jeez
I had to get over this irrational feeling that Jacob belonged in my life. He couldn’t belong with me, could not be my Jacob, when I belonged to someone else.
Agreed
“Jacob, I’m begging you. Stay with me.” I would have fallen to my knees, if I could have moved at all. “For fifteen minutes while I miss a good brawl? So that you can run away from me as soon as you think I’m safe again? You’ve got to be kidding.”
“Will you kiss me, Jacob?”
Sighs
His mouth followed the line of my jaw, and then explored the length of my neck.
Omg
“Are you sure you want me to come back? Or did you really want me to die?”
Why wasn’t I stopping this? Worse than that, why couldn’t I find in myself even the desire to want to stop? What did it mean that I didn’t want him to stop? That my hands clung to his shoulders, and liked that they were wide and strong? That his hands pulled me too tight against his body, and yet it was not tight enough for me?
Jacob was right. He’d been right all along. He was more than just my friend. That’s why it was so impossible to tell him goodbye—because I was in love with him. Too. I loved him, much more than I should, and yet, still nowhere near enough. I was in love with him, but it was not enough to change anything; it was only enough to hurt us both more. To hurt him worse than I ever had.
He bent to kiss me again, and there was no reason to resist. What would be the point?
There are holes in your life that I can’t fill. I understand that.”
You see, Bella? You are safe inside your mind. No one can reach you there.
“He’s a decent guy, Bella. I’ll try to remember that. No promises, though.”
But I have this… hunch. I feel like… I’m going to lose you soon.”
“Yeah, I sort of thought it might be like that.” He sighed.
Why didn’t anyone ever try to kill me when I wanted to die?
“I was sort of counting on his reaction. Damn it all. He’s better than I thought.”
“At least he didn’t threaten to kill himself to make me kiss him,” I snapped.
“I think it’s too late for that, Jake. How can we be friends, when we love each other like this?”
“I’m not going to cut you in half anymore, Bella.”
“He’s like a drug for you, Bella.” His voice was still gentle, not at all critical. “I see that you can’t live without him now. It’s too late. But I would have been healthier for you. Not a drug; I would have been the air, the sun.”
“The clouds I can handle. But I can’t fight with an eclipse.”
“The worst part is that I saw the whole thing—our whole life. And I want it bad, Jake, I want it all. I want to stay right here and never move. I want to love you and make you happy. And I can’t, and it’s killing me. It’s like Sam and Emily, Jake—I never had a choice. I always knew nothing would change. Maybe that’s why I was fighting against you so hard.”
And I realized that I’d been wrong all along about the magnets. It had not been Edward and Jacob that I’d been trying to force together, it was the two parts of myself, Edward’s Bella and Jacob’s Bella. But they could not exist together, and I never should have tried.
“Why?” he asked again, his voice low and rough. “I love you. I want you. Right now.”
“This is making me sick, Jacob. Can you imagine what this feels like to me? I don’t even like Bella Swan. And you’ve got me grieving over this leech-lover like I’m in love with her, too. Can you see where that might be a little confusing? I dreamed about kissing her last night! What the hell am I supposed to do with that?”
