Eclipse (Twilight, #3)

by Stephenie Meyer

I’ll be back so soon you won’t have time to miss me. Look after my heart—I‘ve left it with you.

“I love him. Not because he’s beautiful or because he’s rich!” I spat the word at Jacob. “I’d much rather he weren’t either one. It would even out the gap between us just a little bit—because he’d still be the most loving and unselfish and brilliant and decent person I’ve ever met. Of course I love him. How hard is that to understand?” “It’s impossible to understand.” “Please enlighten me, then, Jacob.” I let the sarcasm flow thick. “What is a valid reason for someone to love someone else? Since apparently I’m doing it wrong.” “I think the best place to start would be to look within your own species. That usually works.” “Well, that just sucks!” I snapped. “I guess I’m stuck with Mike Newton after all.” Jacob flinched back and bit his lip. I could see that my words had hurt him, but I was too mad to feel bad about that yet. He dropped my wrist and folded his arms across his chest, turning from me to glare toward the ocean. “I’m human,” he muttered, his voice almost inaudible. “You’re not as human as Mike,” I continued ruthlessly. “Do you still think that’s the most important consideration?” “It’s not the same thing.” Jacob didn’t look away from the gray waves. “I didn’t choose this.” I laughed once in disbelief. “Do you think Edward did? He didn’t know what was happening to him any more than you did. He didn’t exactly sign up for this.”

“If I’m going to try to come back again, you’re going to have to get something straight, okay?” He waited. “See,” I explained. “I don’t care who’s a vampire and who’s a werewolf. That’s irrelevant. You are Jacob, and he is Edward, and I am Bella. And nothing else matters.” His eyes narrowed slightly. “But I am a werewolf,” he said unwillingly. “And he is a vampire,” he added with obvious revulsion. “And I’m a Virgo!” I shouted, exasperated.

family. You are… well, not exactly the love of my life, because I expect to love you for much longer than that. The love of my existence. I don’t care who’s a werewolf and who’s a vampire. If Angela turns out to be a witch, she can join the party, too.”

expression suddenly triumphant. “You know, my record is almost as clean as Carlisle’s,” she told me. “Better than Esme. A thousand times better than Edward. I’ve never tasted human blood,” she announced proudly. She understood my puzzled expression as I wondered why her record was only almost as clean. “I did murder five humans,” she told me in a complacent tone. “If you can really call them human. But I was very careful not to spill their blood—I knew I wouldn’t be able to resist that, and I didn’t want any part of them in me, you see. “I saved Royce for last. I hoped that he would hear of his friends’ deaths and understand, know what was coming for him. I hoped the fear would make the end worse for him. I think it worked. He was hiding inside a windowless room behind a door as thick as a bank vault’s, guarded outside by armed men, when I caught up with him. Oops—seven murders,” she corrected herself. “I forgot about his guards. They only took a second.”

“I was overly theatrical. It was kind of childish, really. I wore a wedding dress I’d stolen for the occasion. He screamed when he saw me. He screamed a lot that night.

“Not that you aren’t pretty, Bella,” she said, misreading my expression. “But it just meant that he found you more attractive than me. I’m vain enough that I minded.” “But you said ‘at first.’ That doesn’t still… bother you, does it? I mean, we both know you’re the most beautiful person on the planet.” I laughed at having to say the words—it was so obvious. How odd that Rosalie should need such reassurances.

“You’re making judgments,” he accused. “I can see it on your face.” “Sorry,” I muttered. “But it sounds really creepy.” “It’s not like that; you’ve got it all wrong,” Jacob defended his friend, suddenly vehement. “I’ve seen what it’s like, through his eyes. There’s nothing romantic about it at all, not for Quil, not now.” He took a deep breath, frustrated. “It’s so hard to describe. It’s not like love at first sight, really. It’s more like… gravity moves. When you see her, suddenly it’s not the earth holding you here anymore. She does. And nothing matters more than her. And you would do anything for her, be anything for her.… You become whatever she needs you to be, whether that’s a protector, or a lover, or a friend, or a brother.

“I still want to know.” He sighed. “I could quite literally kill him for saying that to you. I want to.” I laughed halfheartedly. “I guess it’s a good thing you’ve got so much self-control.” “I could slip.” His tone was thoughtful. “If you’re going to have a lapse in control, I can think of a better place for it.” I reached for his face, trying to pull myself up to kiss him. His arms held me tighter, restraining.

“I’m in love with you, Bella,” Jacob said in a strong, sure voice. “Bella, I love you. And I want you to pick me instead of him. I know you don’t feel that way, but I need the truth out there so that you know your options. I wouldn’t want a miscommunication to stand in our way.”

Sometimes the right thing for one person is the wrong thing for someone else.

“Vegas,” Edward promised in my ear. “Not a chance,” Alice gloated. “Bella would never do that to me. You know, Edward, as a brother, you are sometimes a disappointment.”

He smiled the old smile that I loved. “I’m always that,” he promised. “Even when I don’t… behave as well as I should. Underneath, I’m always in here.” “I know. Why else would I put up with all of your crap?” He laughed with me, and then his eyes were sad. “When are you finally going to figure out that you’re in love with me, too?” “Leave it to you to ruin the moment.” “I’m not saying you don’t love him. I’m not stupid. But it’s possible to love more than one person at a time, Bella. I’ve seen it in action.”

The questions were stupid, because I knew the answer: I’d been lying to myself. Jacob was right. He’d been right all along. He was more than just my friend. That’s why it was so impossible to tell him goodbye—because I was in love with him. Too. I loved him, much more than I should, and yet, still nowhere near enough. I was in love with him, but it was not enough to change anything; it was only enough to hurt us both more. To hurt him worse than I ever had.

“What do you mean by ‘be good’?” “I’ll be your friend, Bella,” he said quietly. “I won’t ask for more than that.” “I think it’s too late for that, Jake. How can we be friends, when we love each other like this?”

“No.” Jacob shook his head. “I’m exactly right for you, Bella. It would have been effortless for us—comfortable, easy as breathing. I was the natural path your life would have taken.…” He stared into space for a moment, and I waited. “If the world was the way it was supposed to be, if there were no monsters and no magic…” I could see what he saw, and I knew that he was right. If the world was the sane place it was supposed to be, Jacob and I would have been together. And we would have been happy. He was my soul mate in that world—would have been my soul mate still if his claim had not been overshadowed by something stronger, something so strong that it could not exist in a rational world.

with me. I stretched my neck up to whisper in his ear, laying my cheek against his warm skin. “You know I love you.” “I know,” he breathed, his arm tightening automatically around my waist. “You know how much I wish it was enough.” “Yes.” “I’ll always be waiting in the wings, Bella,” he promised, lightening his tone and loosening his arm.