This Is Not a Book About Benedict Cumberbatch: The Joy of Loving Something--Anything--Like Your Life Depends On It

by Tabitha Carvan

In Passages—the book with the lobsters—Gail Sheehy writes that the real struggle for women in midlife is to “transcend dependency through self-declaration.” And, speaking as a woman in midlife, I think having “a thing” helped me achieve that. After all, you can’t have the niggling sense you’re more than you seem when who you are is emblazoned on your T-shirt. And I know self-declaration is a far cry from self-determination, but at least it’s a step up from self-care, the substitute aspiration we’ve been sold. That was the conclusion reached by the writer Anne Helen Petersen too. After researching her book on burnout, she reported that “skincare routines, pedicures, sweet treats, elaborate vacations, even massages—none of it feels as good as actually figuring out something you like to do, and then doing it as if no one was watching, and no one ever will, and it will never, ever find a place on your résumé.”