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“But what if everything that’s comfortable to me is boring?” He stopped texting, arching a brow at me. “Trust me, nothing you wear is boring.”
One small, simple touch, but I burned beneath it.
The more I pretended like she was mine to tease like that, the more it felt like she really was.
Giana was unexpectedly addicting.
That didn’t explain why I’d snuck a couple of Giana’s books out under my shirt when I’d popped by to bring her dinner in the middle of the week. She’d quickly kicked me out since she was studying for a test. But I took those books and did a little studying of my own. I memorized what pages she’d dog-eared, or highlighted, which ones had the distinct oil from her fingertips being on them more frequently than others. And what I found surprised me. I was eager to test the theories I’d come up with the next time we were alone, and to tease her a little — which was quickly becoming my favorite
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She quite literally forced her way in until I had no choice but to look at her. I was devastated when I did.
“Look at me while I fuck that pretty mouth.”
“Thank you for trusting me,” he said, swallowing. “And for letting me escape in you.”
“I’m not breaking my promise,” I told her, waiting until her eyes opened again and found mine. And I believed it. I believed in the very center of who I was that I still would take her virginity and show her the map of every way to achieve pleasure in bed. But I wouldn’t do it under the guise of it being fake.
It had hit me like a sledgehammer to the head, my feelings for Giana, and it had taken me all weekend to untangle them.
“I couldn’t eat,” he started, knee still bouncing. “Couldn’t train, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t do anything other than make myself sick thinking about him touching you.”
“I have thought of nothing and no one but you since that night on the observatory tower.”
“I want you to be happy, Giana,” he continued, voice ragged. “Maybe more than I’ve wanted anything in my life. And if he’s what makes you happy? I’ll leave. Right now.” His gaze snapped to mine. “We can publicly break up and you can have what you want. I will walk away. I will leave you be. I will sincerely, with all my heart, wish nothing but the very best for you as I let you go.”
“I want you,” he declared, and the admission must have pained him as much as it elated me. His brows bent together, nose flaring like he was laying himself down at my feet and handing me a sword, not knowing if I’d ask him to stand again or cut his head off. “I want you,” he repeated on a raspy breath. “And I don’t want to pretend anymore.”
“This isn’t fake,” he swore against my skin, kissing and nipping it along the way. “Nothing between us has ever been fake.”
“You don’t want to be someone’s muse,” Clay rasped. “You want to be someone’s undoing. And let me tell you, Kitten…” His voice rumbled against my ear before he sucked the lobe between his teeth. “You’re mine.”
Because as if it wasn’t hard enough for me to keep my hands off you when we were pretending, it’s going to be fucking impossible now.”
“I’m so far gone for that girl it’s fucking terrifying.”
She felt like home.
How any man could deny Giana Jones was beyond me.
“You broke my fucking heart.” Silence fell over us, one long, still moment. “I broke mine, too,” he whispered. And then he released me.
“It’s okay to love him.” “Even if he doesn’t love me back?” “That’s the thing about love,” he said, kissing my hair. “It doesn’t need to be reciprocated to be real.”
“I love you,” he repeated, quieter this time, as if he only wanted me to hear. “I love your smutty books, and your weird documentaries, and your obsession with orange, processed snacks.”
“I love the way you dress, and the way you light up when you talk about the universe, and the way you saw through every wall I tried to put between me and the rest of the world and knew who I was even when I didn’t.”
“I love how you believe in me, and how you burn to prove everyone wrong when they size you up too quickly. I love that you challenge yourself.” He paused. “I love that you challenge me.”
“I love everything about you — big and small, silly and serious. And I’m sorry I was an idiot and tried to end our story before it even had the chance to begin.”
now, I just need you to know that I might have been good at pretending a lot in our time together, but I never faked the way I felt about you.”
“Which is crazy, by the way. How did you know?” “Because I know you,” I said simply, searching his eyes. “Because I love you, too.”
