Hold Me Under

by Riley Nash

I want to breathe now. It’s going to hurt so bad. And suddenly, I’m scared.

I wish, as I disappear into the darkness, that I didn’t live in a world where the only way not to hurt was to shut everything out and live among your dreams.

Two fucked-up boys against the world.

There’s a place I go. The water is emerald green and has no bottom so I can just sink and sink and sink. As long as I keep sinking, as long as I don’t come up for air, no one can reach me there.

Love has borders, limitations. A million movies and a billion books have charted its course. We chase it because we already know how it makes us feel, and once you’re in love, your only choice is to fall back out of it again.

I want to know what he dreams about. I want to know what demons chased us here in the first place. I want to invite them to chase me instead, because he’s worn out from running so far and I’m strong enough to take it.

I’m lost, and my heart’s a broken compass that will never get me home.

You tore me open and put me back together but you kept something for yourself. You won’t give it back, and now I belong to you.