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Although I’d been repeatedly urged to audition for Jeopardy and was an ideal and proven partner in games of Trivial Pursuit, my pursuit of trivial knowledge and the avalanche of verbal nonsense that spewed forth unchecked did little to endear me to men.
It is nearly impossible for most individuals to remember a phone number unless they use it frequently.
There is just something about women who spend hours and hours knitting a sweater with mind-blowingly expensive yarn, when they could just buy a sweater for a fraction of the price—not to mention the time saved doing so—that lends itself to acceptance and patience for the human condition.
“Holy hotness, Batman. Who is that?”
I liked to think of myself as Launcelot Gobbo from Shakespeare’s The Merchant of Venice; even a foolish man will produce some wisdom, given enough time to drone on and on in unchecked soliloquy. Since most of my time was spent in unchecked soliloquy, I held out hope for some wisdom.
I find verbs in the English language to be lacking. What I really like are collective nouns. The nice thing about them is that you can use any word in the English language as a collective noun, which allows you to ascribe both features, as well as character traits to the collection or group. Although, some collective nouns are well established. As an example, do you know what a group of rhinoceroses is called?” He shook his head as he tilted it to the side, watching me. “It’s called a crash.
There are 10 kinds of people in the world: those who understand binary numbers, and those who don’t.
I think bacteria have the right idea; humans should procreate via binary fission.”
men should come with manuals, subtitles, and reset buttons.
Since I spent much of my childhood being left behind and ignored, one might think that, as an adult, moments of perceived abandonment would feel old hat. The truth is, as an adult, I am always waiting to be left behind. I’m always ready to be discarded and, therefore, I spend a significant amount of time preparing for this eventuality.
It all went according to plan, until it didn’t.
