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I’d thought Jake had been healing the hole in me—or at least plugging it up, keeping it from hurting me so much. I’d been wrong. He’d just been carving out his own hole, so that I was now riddled through like Swiss cheese. I wondered why I didn’t crumble into pieces.
“You’re such a hypocrite, Bella—there you sit, terrified of me! How is that fair?” His hands shook with anger.
I shook my head sadly. Love is irrational, I reminded myself. The more you loved someone, the less sense anything made.
It was like someone had died—like I had died. Because it had been more than just losing the truest of true loves, as if that were not enough to kill anyone. It was also losing a whole future, a whole family—the whole life that I’d chosen.…
It was very strange, for I knew we were both in mortal danger. Still, in that instant, I felt well. Whole.
At least I could be with him again before I died. That was better than a long life.
Each time it was like an electric shock to my long dormant heart. The sound of its beating seemed to fill the entire room. It was heaven—right smack in the middle of hell.
“The way I feel about you will never change. Of course I love you—and there’s nothing you can do about it!” “That’s all I needed to hear.”
Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason.… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.”
He really did want me the way I wanted him—forever. It was only fear for my soul, for the human things he didn’t want to take from me, that made him so desperate to leave me mortal.
“So let’s both just be hopeful, all right?” I suggested. “Not that it matters. If you stay, I don’t need heaven.” He got up slowly, and came to put his hands on either side of my face as he stared into my eyes. “Forever,” he vowed, still a little staggered. “That’s all I’m asking for,” I said, and stretched up on my toes so that I could press my lips to his.
