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I think someone’s insistence that the present is all we have is finally getting to me.” Over the years, I’d gotten in the habit of spouting that off to Clint whenever he got too far inside his head. Typically, during one of his lectures. I’d had to dust the old saying off in recent weeks when his alter-ego—the fun police—tried to ruin our good times.
How was it that with all life had thrown at him, Clint still had it in him to look at the world in wonder? If I played a part in that, I’d accept it gladly. It’d get me through the rough patches that came with wanting but not having him. It’d sustain me until the next time I needed something to get through it. There’d be plenty more next times as long as I didn’t own him.
“Should we do this together, again?” Clint asked, his voice hopeful. Last time, we’d burrowed into opposite ends of the couch, reading aloud the parts that were okay to share and promising to take the parts we couldn’t to our graves. We laughed, Clint cried—although he swore something had gotten into his eye—and then we wrote our replies, sealed and dropped them in the mailbox to ship out before watching—more like falling asleep on—a sappy movie.
I was attracted to the innocence and vulnerability of him testing old waters and discovering they hadn’t gone cold on him. They were waiting, warm and welcoming, and he invited me in with him. The untamed glee he exuded after proving a skill he hadn’t put to use for years hadn’t gone rusty on him. He captivated me, a worm baited on his hook, and keeping him clueless was the equivalent of smiling while getting your ass kicked. A fucking struggle.
When had it snuck up on me like a thief, taking what it wanted? The day in the canoe when his bare leg brushed up against mine, and I’d thought nothing of it? The endless hours of night I’d spent clutching him tight as he steered us up winding roads and teased me by coming fatally close to the edge of a cliff? Weight-lifting shirtless in the garage, invading his workplace to see him come alive, getting high like a fiend on his belief in me, feeling both lucky and dumbfounded that he wanted to spend his spare time with me, a novice at living life. I ticked each reason off until I had zero
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“It’s what could happen if we banded together. Stronger together, weaker apart,” I said, unsure. “If we concentrate less on what makes us different and more on what makes us the same. If the stars can shine alongside the sun, then so can we. A bit idealistic. Did I get it right?” “There is no right. The meaning of art is in the eye of the interpreter,”
That’s what you get for trying too hard, Clint. Be embarrassed for trying to interpret art, there’s no right answer.
He was tormented in a way that made him alluring, that made me want to find and touch that faulty thing in him. I didn’t want to fix it. I never viewed Raven as something that needed fixing in order to work. I wanted the privilege of rolling around in it. Of being bold enough to be dented, too.
a cop kneeled in front of a crying boy, tipping his head up by his chin as the world burned down around them. Both the man and boy painted in side view. I’d recognize that thick, onyx head of hair and defiant set jaw anywhere, even with only a peripheral perspective of him. “Yeah.” “When did you do this?” “Senior year. I must have been feeling particularly grateful for you that day.” “Grateful?” I couldn’t take my eyes off it. Off him. Not even as, in the background, a trailer park and a school went up in flames.
offering me a perfect side glance of his neck tattoo. Sheet music. The notes and lyrics sucked backward, funneling into the wide mouth of a vortex below his shoulder blades, tapering the closer it got to the base of his spine.
Like a musical vortex being sucked into his ass? His asshole is the eye of the storm?
Is this supposed to be a parody of dramatic stuff? Did the editor fall into a coma and never edit? What happened?
“Hey, Link.” I pivoted around, giving the busy crowd downstairs my ass and back. “Wanna dance?” I jutted my head in the direction of the dance floor. “I don’t dance,” he said, never taking his eyes off Law, who stood sweet-talking our hostess. He’d been watching his father like a hawk since we arrived and seemed content doing so for the foreseeable future.
“He won’t give you what you want,” I shouted over the music, canting my head toward the bubble ass in pink jeans he’d been visually undressing. “And what’s that?” he asked, leaning in to be heard. I scanned him, noting the day-old scruff he couldn’t bother shaving off, and his calloused hands. “You’ve had a rough week. You want someone you don’t need to take it easy on.” “Is that so?” He smiled. “What’s your name?” “Raven.” I didn’t bother asking for his. “Care to dance, Raven?”
We were on the outskirts of the dance floor, visible to bystanders, and Clint stood outside one of the alcoves dressed for sin and wearing a look of murder and disgust on his chiseled face.
“Say something, Clint.” Don’t let this be the last of us. “Don’t allow me to leave here believing you were a lie. Believing I’d imagined you.” Imagined your greatness.
These italics add-ons are driving me crazy. Imagine your greatness? It’s spelling it out and laying it on thick like we get he looked up to his hero and crush.
I circled back to clear the top shelf next but choked on the lump in my throat when Clint’s eyes stared back at me. I fell to my knees inside the closet, drinking in the mural of my archangel. I wanted to speed to the garage for the red paint to cover it, but my legs wouldn’t obey the order, and besides, what good would that do when the replica lived hidden on the skin beneath my shirt? I gathered the skin of my taut ribcage, the tattoo burning and aching and laughing at me.
Yeah that was a big decision dude. I guess the fly fishing in your underwear must’ve been before the tattoo was finished.
I hope he goes and gets a clown nose or Groucho Marx glasses tattooed over Clint’s face on his chest tattoo 🤡🥸
“All of the goddamn above! I was shamefaced and angry at myself for wanting you. Pissed because you being with a man is wrong, if that man isn’t me. Jealous because the only set of hands that should be setting your body on fire are mine.” Clint lurched for me, his fingers going around my throat, a growl rumbling up his chest. “I wanted to rip his fucking tongue out and spank you for being such a whore.” He released me with a hiss, jumping back and gaping at his trembling hands. “Jesus, Raven. I-I’m sorry.” “Don’t be,” I said, rubbing my throat, my dick beating at my zipper for freedom. “This
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what desire could make a foolish man like me do. Selfish things, probably. Things that would cost everyone involved, like before. I swore I’d never do that again, and there was no statute of limitations on a pledge.
He took the back porch step below mine, and again, we read aloud what we could and would die holding on to what we couldn’t. We laughed like old times, choked back tears, and shared war stories of experiences with Joey. He kept our little tribe together with his kindness and ability to make us want better for ourselves because he wanted the best for us. I would do anything for him. He’d need that to survive his impending future, and I’d do my damn best to ensure home would be waiting for him when he returned.
Why not show us any of this positive human interaction instead of chapters of purple prose with very little happening? Show me some of their cozy interactions talking like actual humans.
“I want this too much to take it.” With the floodgates of honesty now open, I couldn’t stop the flow of truth. “I don’t know why my brain works like that, or maybe I do, but it’s real, Raven. I’m afraid of the man who’ll be set free if I give in to you.”
He told me things about his childhood he’d never shared before, and I admitted to my concealed resentment for my non-existent relationship with my mother. Brandon and my father’s death changed us both, and while I pretended to understand the possibility that she secretly blamed me for losing her pride and joy, it hurt to know she could easily up and leave the one child she had remaining behind. Raven and I were at opposite ends of life’s spectrum with many years separating us. But the process of hurting and healing was the same for us all. Our emotional connection strengthened under the stars.
Why won’t you show us any of these enlightening conversations? Why do you tell us and wax poetic? Show us the characters having a conversation if you want us to root for them