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“Easy, sweetheart.”
“I’ve never been kissed before.”
“What?”
“The mouth and the heart are connected. That’s why words hurt. I’d never give either to anyone but you.”
“You make me into someone else, Raven. Me, but more. I only hope we don’t end up sorry about that one day.”
“Promise me I won’t regret this, Raven.” “I promise,” he said, placing a hand over my heart. And Millers don’t break promises.
“When the curve of your neck stopped being just the curve of your neck. When it became a place I wanted to bury my troubles away in. A place I hungered to breathe from. When the sun in my eyes stopped being a simple annoyance, but a plot of the universe to keep me from gazing at you. When seeing you do what you love stopped only being an inspiration of pride, but also an inspiration for my attraction.”
I’d spent that week falling into his arms, put to sleep by his kisses, and waking in his arms, revived by his kisses, too. That week was all fireworks and sweet songs and goddamn magic.
“Come on, get it all out of your system.” “I might ruin you for other men,” he said, a growl hot on the heels of his statement. “Good thing no other man would do.”
“Clean bill of health, Clint. After the incident in the club, I wanted nothing standing in the way of your cum painting my walls white.”
“I want to leak you for days.” “I won’t be able to go easy on you this time,” he said, hypnotized by my pulsing hole as I brought my knees to my chest. “Does it look like I need you to come with a warning? Just come and never stop coming, Clint.”
“Fuck me. Now. And don’t stop,” I paused to breathe, “even if I beg you to.”
“I’m gonna shatter every trace of who’s been here before me,”
“You’re fucking me like I’m yours, Clint.” In answer, he snarled,
“Get used to those hickeys, sweetheart. From now on, they’ll be a permanent fixture. And don’t you dare try to hide them.”
“Say you don’t regret it.” “I don’t regret it.” He eased away to look at me directly, swiping at the crystal drops forming in my eyes. “Say you won’t pull away.” “Not a chance in hell,”
“Funny you say that. I’ve thought of you as my battery for as long as I can remember. The thing that kept me going.”
He stuck to his promise. He never pulled away. And I never backed down. Nothing could stop us now.
“I’ll never forget how it feels to be inside you, Raven. Your body, your mind, your heart… Never.”
I understood what he wanted, but the more he protested, the more afraid I was to give it to him. Even more terrifying was the fact that I’d never been more ready to take what I wanted, more ready to disregard an objection in all my life.
“I hate that others have been here,” I said. “That out there, right now, someone’s remembering you were the best fuck of their life.”
“There’s no such thing as your dream and mine. It’s all a part of our dream, Clint.”
“I’d never ask you to choose between us. I only ask that you fight to have us both, and I’ll fight with you. This doesn’t have to be as dire as you’re making it seem.”
“I said no. Are you going to fuck me anyway, Clint?” “Yes.” “Why?” “Because it’s been too long since I took something without a care for what anyone else wanted. Because I can’t un-remember how much I love it now. And because I want to.”
“Are you going to let me, Raven?” “Yes.” “Why?”
“Because I need you to. I need you to take what you want without giving a fuck.” “I know,” he said, snaking into me slowly, like the exhale of a dying breath. “I see you, Raven.” And I see you.
“Remind me again that I’m not alone in this,” he said breathily. “You’re not alone, Clint. Remember, I was here first.” I loved you first. I wanted you first. I went insane first. “I know exactly how you feel.”
You can’t do things like that.” “We trampled over shouldn’t five fucks ago, Clint. Maybe more. And don’t give me the opportunity to make the right decision again, because I promise, I will choose wrong,”
I equated Raven to a drug, and one hit was never enough.
In a perfect world he’d remain plastered to my mattress and my cock twenty-four seven. I’d nail the windows and doors shut, trapping us inside and keeping all distractions out.
“But my love for you is more. More than all the fucking stars in the sky. Please,”
“Bad things happen to me sometimes, and good things are taken away because of it. I just don’t know if you’re the good thing taken, or the bad-wrong-thing that’s happened to me.”
“Promise me there’s no other way first. Promise it’s this or nothing.” Destroy or be destroyed. The door clicked shut just as he reached me. “I promise,” he whispered
“You don’t even get it, do you?” he said in soft astonishment. “Your body isn’t what does the seducing, Raven. It’s your love. The way you make us believe we can be and do anything. The way it protects us… I bet he never saw it coming. He’ll never get over you. Never.”
“What’s wrong?” “Nothing, it’s just… Seems we did better apart.” “I kept going because if I was lucky enough to get you back, I didn’t want you returning to a shell of a man. Same for Joey. Trust me, I did bad without you for a long time.”
“Our love was ours to do with as we saw fit. We didn’t need our jagged edges smoothed. We didn’t need to be unbent. I just needed to be brave enough to be broken,”
“Brave enough to love you through my brokenness.”
“Stay, please. Talk to me. Tell me what the last two thousand nine hundred and ninety-nine days four hours and,” he checked his watch, “twenty-one minutes have been like for you. Don’t leave anything out. Let me get to know you again, Raven.”
We weren’t erasing the past or pretending a few days would be the magic fix. We were gaining closure. We were getting to know each other. We were saying thank you for the experience. We were, without spelling it out, saying we were sorry.
check my inhibitions at the door. You gave me freedom, and I never want to be chained again.”
“I don’t care.” “You have to care. You employ people. And this is your dream—” “You’re my dream, and my fantasies, and my heart. We’ll make it work. I’ll drive or fly or run to you whenever I can. I’m setting things up so they can run efficiently without my constant presence. Now tell me,”
“Have I won you?”
And when it became impossible to convince Clint that giving up my life in Canada wouldn’t cause later resentment, I reminded him of my dream for our future. “Joey will not only accept us, he’ll live next door. And your shop will be next to mine. That way, we can pop in to say I love you, or so you can bend me over your back-office desk in the middle of the day because…because you’ll still need me that bad.”
