Sir Callie and the Champions of Helston

by Esme Symes-Smith

And if it comes to a fight, the grown-ups always win.

“Family are the people who love you,” he told me once. “Exactly as you are, regardless of blood and bond.”

“Magic isn’t just sitting around doing nothing. It can be very useful.”

But, Callie, listen—Neal’s experience was his own, just like mine was mine. And guess what: Yours will be exactly your own, whatever you make of it.”

For the longest time, gender felt like being crammed into a pair of shoes I’d never fit into in the first place. Except I didn’t get to pick a new pair. I didn’t even get to try on a different pair just in case. Day after day, I wore the same small shoes, and I kept growing. And the more I grew, the less I fit.

It’s a waste of time being afraid of your friends.

“What are you, anyway?” Edwyn pants, pressing as hard as he can against my blade. “Are you a freak in a dress or a freak with a sword?” “Both,” I snarl back. “And proud of it.”

Whether you’re a girl or a boy, or both or neither. You don’t get to pick and choose, especially not for other people.

True strength comes from conviction, not rage, Neal told me back in the early days, when my temper was sharp and untamable. Anger is a spark. Conviction stays burning.

Everyone learns differently, Papa says. And a good teacher adapts to their student’s needs, not the other way round.

Teachers aren’t supposed to scare their students. That’s not teaching; that’s bullying. Big difference.

They have both been taught the only way they are acceptable is by being something other than themselves. They have heard it so often, it became true. Then I came along and proved it doesn’t have to be that way. Friends are better than heroes.

“If people were allowed to be the worst just because they’re scared, then everyone would be mean to everyone.

“Magic is power, and power used poorly is very dangerous.”

“Normal doesn’t exist, kiddo.” He rests his chin on top of my head and squeezes me. “Not when it comes to people. Every person is different, every family is different, every normal is different.

Family’s the people who love you exactly as you are. That’s it. Whether you share blood with them or not.

It’s just, you and me, we’re not much good at pretending to be anything else. And why should we? I like what I am, and if anyone doesn’t, that’s their problem, not mine.

“It’s okay to be scared,” I tell him. “It doesn’t mean you can’t be brave too.”

Better to beg forgiveness than to ask for permission I know I’ll never get.

“Winning doesn’t always feel like winning. Sometimes it feels like losing, and twice as scary.”

The last few years have been, understandably, unsettling, but fear is not an excuse for abuse.”

“Choice is a luxury few have, and she cannot afford to lose either.”

“I’m trying to practice being okay with not knowing how I feel.”

Maybe fighting is the route to teaching him how to play, just like dancing was the way through for Willow. Everyone learns differently.

We’re a collision of two equal forces, as evenly matched as it’s possible to be, despite the differences between us. All the little things that don’t or shouldn’t matter drop away from us, like rain sliding off oilskin. Magic or no magic; boy or girl, neither or both. What difference does any of it make in the end? We’re just here, two people, doing what we love and doing it well.

Magic is weird and senseless and whatever you want it to be. And it’s okay.

“And how long are we expected to wait?” Elowen asks. “How long are we expected to suffer the disparity on the promise that it’s temporary if we’re not even allowed to fight for our own equality?”

In my dreams, I was alone. A solitary knight who didn’t need anyone else. And that was just fine. My sword was all I needed. But that’s not real life, and I don’t want it to be. People are scary; they’re unpredictable and uncontrollable, and maybe they won’t stick around forever, but maybe that’s okay. A knight needs something worth fighting for, worth living for, worth dying for.

It’s scary to need something as fragile as love, but scary doesn’t always mean bad.

“Equality should not be up for negotiation, and it is my own failing for failing to make a stand.”

“The fear of the uncontrollable and the unknown is understandable. It is not, however, an excuse to bully and abuse.

No one should fear punishment or rejection for who they are.